


The new posse (re-edited)

by laddyuna



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Cheating, Depression, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Friendship/Love, Hatred, Illnesses, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2018-08-08 02:56:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 29,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7740685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laddyuna/pseuds/laddyuna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Quistis and Zell have to stay in Shumi village during a night and meet an unexpected acquaintance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stranger

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to change the whole story. I didn't like this one. The beggining is the same but the meeting is different...Seifer too. He's completely different from what he was in the previous story.

Zell and Quistis were on the land in Trabia continent. They left the forest after had finished their job. They had been sent here to look for a new g-force but it seemed to not exist. Some students in Trabia Garden spread rumors about a powerful g-force who was living in the mountains behind Shumi village but when Quistis and Zell went there, they just met a ruby dragoon.

« Such a waste of time! There was nothing there!” complained Zell.

“You’re right. Let’s call the Garden.” Agreed Quistis. She took her cell phone and composed Squall’s number.

_“Hello?”_

“Squall? Quistis’s speaking. There was nothing in Trabia Mountains. Just a ruby dragoon.”

_“Really? I suppose the information we received weren’t serious after all…”_

“Yes. Can you come to pick us with the Garden?”

_“Hum…I’m sorry Quistis but we had a problem with the Bgu. Nida hit the side of a hill near of Winhill when we were on the road. We can’t move anymore.”_

“Oh…I see. So, you are in Winhill?”

_“Yes. Nida went to Timber to buy some stuff to repair the Bgu. I don’t think it’s serious but we’re stuck there.”_

“We’re near of a chocobo’s forest. We could catch one and join you there, but I don’t know if there’s a road we can use…”

Zell shook his head. “The sea between Trabia and Galbadia is too deep for a chocobo.”

“Squall? Zell told me we can’t pass the sea with a chocobo, so we’re stuck in Trabia.”

_“Shumi village isn’t far from your position. Go there for the night. I’ll contact you tomorrow morning when the repairs will be complete.”_

“Understood.”

_“Take care guys and see you tomorrow.”_

“Bye Squall.” Quistis hung up the phone. “Let’s go to Shumi village. It’s already late.”

“Fine.”

 

The two blondes reached the small village after have walked two hours. They were cold and exhausted. The weather was particularly frosty in this zone and the snow covered the entire land. There was a long time since they didn’t come back there. In fact, five years, since the end of the war. Things didn’t change a lot, but the world was living in peace. Rinoa stayed at the Garden but she didn’t pass the seed exam. She taught magic abilities and g-forces which annoyed Quistis a lot. The blonde had been reintegrated as an instructor too and she was still popular, especially for the Trepies. But she was a seed. She worked hard to become what she was. Rinoa got the same job without have done anything special. She was just the commander’s girlfriend. Quistis was still jealous about her relationship with Squall but she gave up on him a long time ago. It was a good thing she had been sent in mission because she wasn’t feeling very well these last days. She was glad to be with Zell for this mission because he seemed to understand her. He was single too, even if he was popular too with girls. Plus, he didn’t spread gossips like Selphie used to do. The little brunette was nice but she couldn’t keep anything for herself and Quistis didn’t want the entire Garden knew what she was thinking so she never said anything to her. Selphie wasn’t really free often anyway since she stayed all the time with her boyfriend Irvine. Zell was the one with she could talk.

“I don’t understand why Squall sent us here for this mission.” Said Zell. “I mean, don’t misunderstand, it’s nice to go with you but I’m not the best element for this. He should have chosen Rinoa for this…”

“He probably didn’t want to risk his princess’ life!” replied sarcastically Quistis.

“Don’t be like that Quis…jealousy doesn’t suit you.”

“Sorry…”

“You know, I was referring to me when I said Squall should have sent Rinoa, not you. You’re the best of us, so he knew you would do the job.”

“Thanks Zell but you don’t have to tell me this to comfort me.”

“I meant it.”

She smiled, still walking. Zell stopped in the middle of the road.

“I know it’s unfair that Rinoa became an instructor when she even isn’t a seed and did nothing for this but you’re better than her. Everyone thinks as me at the Garden.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Cadets complain all the time because they don’t understand anything when she teaches them. But everyone likes your lessons and respects you, so you don’t have to be jealous of her…except for Squall, I mean…”  

She sighted, depressed.

“Quis, listen: it’s not my business but you should really give up. I don’t wanna hurt you but I don’t think Squall would return your feelings even if he breaks up with her…”

“I know Zell. I should give up but…it’s as if something was stopping me all the time. I hate this but, deep in my heart, I still keep hope…”

“I understand but hope is dangerous and you’re gonna suffer more if you don’t turn the page.”

“I’ll try.” She turned around and fixed Zell smiling. “Thanks for listening, Zell. It means a lot to me to know that I can count on you.”

“You’re welcome! Let’s hurry up. I begin to freeze!”

“Me too.”

 

They finally arrived at Shumi village. They were welcomed by some villagers at the entrance. They took the elevator and went to the Master’s house to announce them.

“Good evening Master. We’re seeds from Balamb. We’ve been sent here for a mission on the continent but we can’t leave tonight. Nobody can pick us at this hour.  We’re sorry to disturb you but would you allow us to stay here for tonight please?” asked Quistis.

“You’re welcome, foreigners. Feel free to stay as long as you wish.” Replied the Master.

“Thank you so much.”

“I remember you came five years ago so I trust you. Thanks to you, we finished Laguna’s statue. You can go to our hostel. Innkeeper will welcome you.”

“Thanks.”  

 

The two friends went to the hostel and entered in the small house. Innkeeper approached and bowed to welcome them.

“Good evening, foreigners. Can I help you?”

“Yes. Your master allowed us to stay for the night. Do you have a room for us please?”

“Yes my lady. Follow me please.”

They arrived in a large room with several beds. It was a clean bedroom, tastefully decorated.

“I’m sorry but we just have a single room. You have to share the same space for the night.”

“It’s okay, don’t worry.” Reassured Quistis.

Zell rubbed his stomach. “Sorry but do you have something to eat? I’m hungry!”

“Oh! Sure. Follow me.”

 

Zell and Quistis joined Innkeeper. He brought them to the kitchen of the hostel . “You can use the kitchen as you want. We don’t cook a lot so we don’t use it often.”

“What do you eat if you don’t cook?” asked Quistis.

“Fresh fruits and vegetables most of the time, but sometimes, we cook some meals. Actually, Stranger uses the kitchen more than us.”

“Stranger?”

“Yes. We called him like this because he never said his name when he arrived here.”

“He isn’t a shumi?”

“No. he is a human like you.”

“A human? You accepted to let a human staying in your village?” frowned Zell, surprised.

Innkeeper seemed to be uncomfortable. “Actually, we asked him to leave…but he refused. He is stubborn and a bit scaring. He doesn’t cause us troubles since he passes all the day outside and just comes back to our village to sleep or to eat…but it’s against our rules to keep a human here.”

“But you accepted Laguna’s presence in the past, right?”

“Sir Laguna was injured and he left when he got better…but not Stranger.”

Zell took some strawberries and ate, still listening. Quistis picked one of his and continued the discussion with Innekeeper. “Do you know where does he come from?”

“No. Stranger never talks. Nobody trusts him here…except Master.”

“Ah?”

“Yes. Master says that despite of his appearance and his threatening look, Stranger isn’t bad. It’s hard to believe when you look at him…”

Zell clapped his hands together. “Ok, if you don’t want to let his freeloader staying here, leave it to me! I’ll kick his ass out!”

“Thank you…but we don’t want any troubles.”

“But he doesn’t have the right to force you accepting his presence either.” Added Quistis.

“I know…”

 

They were interrupted when they heard someone coming. Innkeeper became tense. “Oh…?it’s probably him…”

“Let me take care of him! He won’t bully you anymore.”

“He doesn’t bully us…he never hurt anyone here…but…” He tried to cool Zell. “Please, don’t fight. Violence is really bad and…”

“If he cooperates, I won’t hurt him, don’t worry.”

“But…”

The door opened. Innkeeper turned around abruptly and tried to welcome Stranger to cool the atmosphere.

“Stranger! Good evening!”

The man fixed them with a cold expression. Quistis and Zell froze literally, seeing “Stranger”. He was everything except a stranger for them.

“Hum…we have visitors tonight. They’re gonna stay here, so you will have to share the room with them…” said Innkeeper, uncomfortable.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” asked straightly Stranger.

“That’s my line, sucker!! Now you’re bullying shumis?” replied Zell furious, ready to fight.

“No, please! Don’t fight!” said Innkeeper, afraid.

“You should go back upstairs, Innkeeper.” Advised Quistis.

“But…”

“We won’t fight and we won’t cause troubles to you, don’t worry. We know each other.”

“Oh…I see. Well, I’m leaving…” agreed Innkeeper, letting the three humans alone.

 

Quistis fixed her attention on Seifer. “When Innkeeper told us a stubborn and threatening human was here, I should have known it couldn’t have been anyone else than you, Seifer…”

Seifer smirked at her. “What? Missed me, “instructor”?”

“No. I was pretty happy to not see your face again until now. I thought you died?”

“Sorry to disappoint you, “Darling”.” He replied, moving toward the counter to grab some vegetables. He pushed Zell on his way and grabbed a skillet. He took his trench coat off and began to prepare something to eat, ignoring their presence.

“Where are Raijin and Fujin?” asked Zell.

“Why do you care, Chicken? Did you plan to write my biography?”

“Fucking jerk! You’re still the same after all!!”

Seifer just laughed at him, cutting his vegetables. “I suppose you are here for a mission? I didn’t see the Garden on the road.”

“Yes. We finished our mission and since the Garden can’t come to pick us tonight, we decided to stay here.” Replied Quistis. “What about you? How long have you been there?”

“Not your damn business.”

“We answered you! Why can’t you talk to us politely for once?”

“Nobody forced you to answer me. Besides, I’ve better things to do than wasting my time to answer to your stupid questions. I tolerate your presence so it’s already more than enough.”

“Coming from you, I agree.” Nodded Quistis.

“It seems that you’re still the same bastard. You forced the shumis to accept you. It’s typical from you, always bullying the weak ones…” said Zell with contempt.

Seifer couldn’t help to smile sadistically. “Yeah…that’s why I always liked to bully you at the Garden, Chicken. Good to see you finally understood you’re worthless.”

“Fucking..BASTARD!” Zell was about to jump on him when Quistis went between him and Seifer. The other man hadn’t moved, not impressed by Zell’s rage.

“No Zell! Don’t give him this pleasure. He does it on purpose, don’t answer to his provocation.” She told Zell, trying to cool him.

“Yeah, listen to your “instructor”, Chicken.”

Exasperated to hear the word “instructor” coming from Seifer’s mouth, Quistis turned around and fixed him with hatred. “Why do you need to hate us that much, Seifer? The war is over now…we’re not enemies anymore.”

The tall blonde turned his back to her and continued to cook. “You should know better than anyone there’s nothing to do with the war, “instructor”.”

“Cut it with that, Seifer.”

“What? Calling you “instructor”?”

She moved closer, trying to break him with her words. “Do you like living like this? Do you enjoy that much to hate and terrify people? Do you love so bad to be a villain?”

“Don’t push your luck too far with me, Blondie…”

“Was that your romantic dream? To destroy the world and to spread terror around you? That’s why you followed her until the end?”

Seifer had enough and threw the food he was preparing on the floor with a single move, exasperated by her questions. “LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE, BITCH! You think you’re that smart? Why don’t you come back to the Garden to suck your beloved commander’s dick instead of breaking my balls?”

A part of Quistis’ dignity had been hurt by Seifer’s words but she tried to save the appearances. “You are the worst, Seifer.”

“Yeah, you already told me that in the past.”

“Only idiots refuse to change.” Said Zell.

Seifer grinned and walked toward him. He went closer and faced the martial artist. “We agree with that.” He said sending him back this remark.

“You two are still lame and pitiful, running after Puberty-boy. You should create a fan club. I already have the name for this…” he added moving away. “The lion cubs! I already see that: a chicken, that dumb witch, the dorky cowboy, his freaking tireless-girlfriend and…” he looked at Quistis smirking. “a slut.”

She was about to slap his face but Seifer grabbed her hand just before it reached his face. “Only the truth hurts, don’t you?” he released her hand and left the kitchen.

“Where are you going?” asked Zell.

“I’m not hungry anymore. You two make me wanna puke.” Then, he disappeared, letting the two blondes alone again.


	2. A painful truth

The next day, Quistis and Zell woke up early in the morning. The shumis were up since a long time ago. But Seifer wasn’t with them, even if he used to sleep here every night.

After a breakfast, they went to see the Master to thank him for his hospitality. Squall had sent a message to Quistis, asking her to wait for the Bgu at the coast.

“Good morning, foreigners. Did you sleep well?”

“Yes. Thanks again to have let us stay here.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Hum…can I ask you something?” asked Quistis, nervous.

“Sure.”

“This man…”

The Master got quickly what she meant. “You talk about Stranger, right?”

“Yes. Since how long he has been here?”

“Maybe a year, I don’t remember. Did you talk with him?”

“Actually, we know him and he’s not a respectable person.”

“Ah?”

“Well, to tell you the truth, he used to be our enemy during the last war. We grew up together, but he turned his back on us and associated to a demoniac sorceress. We fought against each other more than once and he killed a lot of people…”

The Master kept quiet, thinking. But after a short time, he spoke again, calmly. “I see…so I suppose he’s looking for redemption…”

Zell couldn’t help to laugh. “No offence, Master, but the only thing he is looking for is trouble. If you knew him, you wouldn’t even think that way about him.”

“Every Hyne’s creature has a part of good inside.”

“Not him, believe me!”

“You shouldn’t say that.”

“You don’t have any idea of what this bastard did to us…”

“Zell.” Said Quistis to correct his language.

“Sorry…”

The Master didn’t seem to be convinced. “Did you see him again after the war?”

“No.”

“So how could you know what he became?”

“Because we saw by ourselves yesterday he absolutely didn’t change. He’s still arrogant and nasty.”

“But why did you accept to let him stay here? Is it because he threatened you?” asked Quistis.

“No. But I saw the despair in his eyes. He probably had no home to stay. He didn’t ask anything. I agree with you: he’s arrogant and proud. But some people just can’t explain what they feel normally. His ego is too big for that…but it doesn’t mean that he did nothing since he arrived here.”

“What do you mean?”

“Stranger made himself useful here. We had a rockslide about six months ago. It destroyed a part of the roof of the workshop. He fixed it without we needed to ask him.”

“Really?”

“Yes. He also repaired our lift about two months ago. He even cured a Moomba who got hurt falling from a tree.”

“Sounds unlike him…”

“He actually didn’t do it in front of us. As I told you, he’s too proud to show he can be nice. But I don’t think he’s that insensitive. So when I understood it, I accepted to let him stay here until he finds his way. I can see  it’s not easy for him too.”

“He didn’t come back yesterday.”

“Oh? Really?”

“Yes. Do you know where he could have gone?”

“No…I hope he’s ok.”

“Don’t worry for him. He’s always ok!” said Zell exasperated.

“We have to go now. Thanks for everything.” Concluded Quistis.

“Feel free to come back anytime you want and take care.”

 

 

Zell and Quistis left the village. They walked toward the coast and arrived two hours later. They sat on the sand, waiting for the Garden.

“Zell?”

“Yes?”

“You know…I don’t think we should mention we saw Seifer here.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I mean, he didn’t do anything wrong to the villagers, on the contrary. It would recall bad memories to the others, especially to Rinoa and Squall, so let’s forget we saw him, alright?”

“If you say so, fine for me.”

“Good.”

 

The Garden arrived later in the morning. They picked them up and left to return to Balamb. The two blondes didn’t say anything about Seifer. It surprised Zell that Quistis asked him that, but he agreed with her. Rinoa and Squall really didn’t need to remember him anyway.

 

* * *

 

Two months later.

The Garden left Balamb for Fisherman’s horizon. The repairs Nida did the last time weren’t good enough so they moved there to ask some help. The city had the reputation to have the best workers of the world and everybody who needed repairs came to Fisherman’s horizon.

Since the Bgu was stuck there until the repairs would be complete, Quistis decided to visit the city. Lately, she thought a lot about Seifer. She was preoccupied and couldn’t help to wonder where he went and if he came back to Shumi village after their departure. A part of her was worried for him. Xu noticed she wasn’t feeling very well lately, but Quistis didn’t talk with her. She perfectly knew what Xu was thinking about Seifer and she didn’t want to listen to her.

The blonde was walking in the streets. She went to the port to buy some items. When she finished, she stayed at the docks, observing the little boats. There was still this young fisherman who was provoking trouble to the shop’s owner. Quistis laughed when she saw he broke a window again with his catch. Then, another boat came back to the port. Quistis looked at the man on the deck who was on his back. The boat arrived at the port and the man went on the docks. When their eyes met, the two of them blinked, caught by the surprise.

“You again…” glared at her the man.

“I could say the same. What are you doing here? I thought you were at Shumi Village?”

“Don’t you have anything better to do that to piss me off?” Seifer went to the shop, trying to ignore her, but she followed him. He bought some items.

“What?”

“Did you leave Shumi village because of us?”

“Make a guess, stupid!”

“Don’t talk to me like that!”

“Then, DON’T TALK TO ME!” he yelled at her, pushing her away.

She tried to find her cool again. Yelling at Seifer wouldn’t work anyway. “Can we speak to each other politely for once? We don’t need to make a scene in public.”

“I don’t need to speak to you. Leave me alone.”

He went back to his boat and she followed him inside.

“Get the fuck out of here!”

“Seifer, we need to talk, please.”

He grabbed her arm and tried to push her away, unceremoniously. “Get. Out.”

“Make me. I won’t leave until we talk.”

He smirked at her. “Do you really think I wouldn’t beat your face because you’re a woman?”

“I wouldn’t count on your gentleman’s side, for sure. But you wouldn’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Not to me.”

“You mean, especially to you, right?” he corrected her.

She sighted. “You still didn’t forget it? I thought you were over this a long time ago…”

“So easy to say for you!”

“Ok, I made a mistake, but don’t you think you did even worse to me?”

“Who’s to blame?”

“So what? Everything is my fault?”

“OF COURSE EVERYTHING IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT!” shouted Seifer with rage. “Why do you need to come here to piss me off?”

“I want to fix the things.”

“You can’t fix what you broke.”

“That applies to you too.”

He stared at her with anger. “I’m aware of that, thank you my dear slutty instructor! Now, would you make me the honor to get the fuck out of my boat please?”

“That’s all what you’ve got? Can’t you talk without insulting everyone all the time?”

“I don’t insult everyone. I insult you.”

“Do I really deserve your hatred that much?”

“Yes you do.” He moved closer with a threatening look. “Why do you need that much to “fix the things” as you said? Feeling lonely maybe?”

“I don’t deny i hurt you. But don’t play the victim, Seifer. I think I paid enough.”

“Whatever.” He replied sarcastically. He knew it would piss her to hear that word knowing that was Squall’s answer for everything.

 “That’s not funny.”

“Really? I think it’s hilarious…and ironic.”

 “Ironic?”

“Yes. Think about this objectively. You had the both of us, and what do you have left now? Nothing. You lost everything and it’s entirely your fault.”

“Enough with that! In my entire life, I respected the rules. I did the right thing and worked hard. Can’t I have the right as everyone to make mistakes? This is the only fault I made and you speak as if I was a monster! Do you think you’re so perfect?’”

 “I’m not perfect. We both know what I am: a bloody bastard to use your own words. Yeah…but you forgot something.” He was so close to her that he could almost kissed her. “Even bastards have heart…and there’re consequences to break the heart of a bastard. Was that my reaction so surprising?”

“Yes. Could you do what you did, of course you could. You have been trained for this. We are mercenaries and when we have to kill, it doesn’t matter who the victim would be. But I never thought you would or could do that to me…just because of a heart breaking. You were ready to kill us for Ultimecia.”

“I’m sorry Trepe, but you thought wrong. You just don’t realize how much you betrayed and disappointed me.”

“…”

“I would have given you everything…I would have brought you this world on a silver platter, but you just…” he even didn’t finish what he was saying.

“Seifer, I’m sorry for what I did to you…really. But don’t you think you overacted?”

“I…overreacted??”

“Yes. You know as I do that it can’t justify your actions.”

“I never tried to justify anything.”

“So what? We stay like this? We forget the past and everything? Don’t you want to do something useful in your life?”

“What do you propose, idiot? Do you want to see me come back to the Garden and pretend as if nothing happened? You perfectly know I will never come back there, especially knowing who is running this shitty place!!”

“What do you do right now? Do you have a job?”

“Not your damn business.”

“The Master at Shumi village told me you used to help them there.”

“And?”

“I know…you can be nice. I should know it better than anyone else. We all did mistakes, Seifer. I just want to turn the page. I suppose we would never be able to forget but it doesn’t mean we have to let the hatred destroying our life…so we can at least forgive each other, don’t you think?”

Seifer looked at her with coldness. “Don’t try to make it up, Quistis. It’s too late.”

“Seifer…”

“Get out. I never want to see you again.” Then, he disappeared in another part of the boat, letting Quistis alone.

 

 

She understood he wouldn’t listen to her, so she gave up. She went back to the Garden and returned to her dormitory to have some rest. But she couldn’t sleep, when someone knocked at her door.

“Yes?” she opened it and saw Zell.

“Hi Quis. Do I disturb you?”

“hum…yes. I’m a bit tired right now, Zell. So…is it important?”

“Not really. Xu is looking for you since the morning for some documents you need to sign so…”

“I see. Come in.”

Zell entered. He could see she wasn’t in a good mood. He felt guilty to have disturbed her. He held her the documents and she started to sign it without even taking the time to read it.

“I’m done. You can take it back and…” But when she lifted her head, she could see Zell fixing her. “Zell?”

“What is that?”

“Could you just…leave please?”

Zell was surprised to see her so direct. “Is there everything alright?”

“Why are you asking? Of course I’m alright!”

“What? I’m just curious, that’s all…”

“Leave please. I want to be alone.”

But he stayed here. “Quis…talk to me. You aren’t the same anymore since we met Seifer the last time. Everyone noticed it.”

She flinched when she heard the name “Seifer”. Zell understood it was related to him, so he continued to ask her.

“Tell me. Is it because of him?”

“I don’t want to talk about him.”

 “Ok…but tell me. What’s wrong with you? You look really depressed…”

“Zell. Get out. Now.”

The martial artist felt hurt. He didn’t want to let her in this state. She obviously needed to talk but there was something which stopped her.

“Quistis, please. You know you can trust me. I want to help you.”

She sat on her bed. “I can’t fix the things I broke…”

“What do you mean?” he approached and sat at her side.

“Zell…I can’t tell you.”

“Why?”

“Because…I’m so ashamed. If I tell you, I’ll disappoint you…”

“Quis, you’re friend. Whatever you could have done, you will never disappoint me.”

“I can’t change things now…it’s useless. But I can’t forget it either. I’ve tried and I almost did but now, it’s in my mind again…”

“Tell me. Maybe you can’t change the things but talking would help you to feel better…or at least, it wouldn’t hurt.”

Zell’s gentleness was touching. She put her head on his shoulder to have some comfort before kissing him. He froze, a bit uncertain about what he should do. He was close to Quistis, but not at this point. He even never thought about her this way.

“Quis…”

“Comfort me…please. Just..make me forget.”

“I’m not Squall, Quistis.”

“I don’t care about him. That’s not related to him. Please…don’t push me away. Not you…please.”

She kissed him again. After a period of hesitation, he kissed her back. The two of them fell on their back, kissing each other deeply. It was just a moment of weakness…a need to get laid, a way to forget just for a short time that things weren’t working as they wished.


	3. The reasons of your hatred

Quistis and Zell stayed in the bed during the whole day. Quistis just needed to be comforted, so Zell didn’t ask more. He kept her against his strong body, brushing her long hair.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?” asked Zell.

“To have asked you this. I mean, I know we’re friends but…”

“It’s not a big deal. We just fucked, that’s all. It doesn’t mean it has to become serious between us.”

“It doesn’t bother you? I mean, you’re a good-looking guy and all, but I’d like we stay friends…”

“Me either. It was good but I don’t see us becoming a couple…so, let’s forget it, alright?”

“Ok. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Zell sat and pressed his back against the headboard of the bed. “Wanna talk about what it preoccupies you?”

She sighted. She owed some explanations to Zell. “I saw Seifer at the port.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I tried to talk with him but he just pushed me away.”

The two of them got up and dressed again. They sat on the bed, side by side. “So…what happened?”

Quistis seemed to be hesitant. “It’s really embarrassing…not a lot of people know about it, you know?”

“Sound serious…”

“It’s not that important…”

Zell took her hand to reassure her. “You can tell me. I won’t repeat it to anyone.”

She smiled, relieved. But her expression vanished when she started to remember. “You know…I was in the same promotion that Seifer when we were passing the exam…”

“So, it’s really related to Seifer if you are so depressed lately?”

“Yeah. I remembered a time that I almost forgot…”

“Tell me.”

“Well, I passed my exam with him at 15 and as you know, I became a seed but he failed.”

“I lost count how many times he failed…”

“Actually, this time he failed because of me.”

“Ah?”

“I don’t want to bother you with details but he covered me. I wasn’t supposed to pass but he took the blame at my place to give me a chance to become a seed. I wouldn’t have done it without him.”

“Really? But why did he do that for you?”

“I asked him the same thing at the beginning. He was already arrogant at this time, but strangely, he never used it against me, to blackmail me or something.”

“So why?”

“He had a crush on me.”

Zell’s face changed of expression. “Are you serious?”

“He was seducing me all the time, but as I told you, he never used the seed exam to force me. When I became an instructor at 17, we began to date.”

“You were…Seifer’s girlfriend?”

“Yes. We kept it secret and nobody knew.”

“I can’t believe it…”

“Sounds unbelievable, right?”

“It’s understatement!…but did you two love each other?”

“You know, Seifer never has been the kind of gentleman who said these things. He was a bad boy…but I think he loved me. He wasn’t different from what he was when we were in public, but he could be nice. He bought me flowers for the Valentine’s day or for my birthday. He was gentle when we had sex…he was my first one.”

Zell squeezed his fists to repress his feelings. “What about you?”

“Huh?”

“Did you love him?”

She looked down, ashamed. “No.”

“But you dated him. Why?”

“I kinda…settled down for him.”

“Because of Squall?”

“Yes. He was in the same class with Squall. I already loved him at this time. Now I think about this again, I just wanted to draw his attention going out with Seifer…”

“Wait…you said nobody knew but Squall did?”

She became redder. “Yes…”

“Did you tell him?”

“No.”

“So…he saw you?”

“I guess…”

“Ok, so, what happened next?”

“Squall and Seifer were already rivals at this time, so when Squall discovered about Seifer and I, he used it against him.”

“I don’t get it…”

Quistis was so ashamed that she wanted to disappear in a hole and never come out. “Zell…I cheated on Seifer with Squall.”

“You…what?”

“I tried to confess to Squall. I didn’t directly say that I was in love, but I showed him that I had a crush on him. He always ignored me, but one day, he knocked at my door to request some help for his exams and…”

“You had sex?”

“Yes.”

“And how did Seifer discover it?”

“I don’t know but after that, he hated Squall more than anything. That’s why he provoked him on a duel.”

“Oh…I see.”

“He dumped me and he started to perturb my class and to be mean with me. He never missed a single opportunity to humiliate me. I thought he would use the seed exam to destroy my career but he didn’t. After the duel and just before the exam, I went to see Squall at the infirmary to pick him, but I saw Seifer first leaving the infirmary. We argued again…even if it was already over between us. He said I was a slut and Squall would never love me, whatever I could do…and he was right.”

“Quis, don’t say that.”

“I was so furious against him that when we came back to the Garden after the seed exam, I did everything that I could to make him fail, denouncing his attitude to Cid.”

“He wouldn’t have passed anyway.”

“Actually, he could have passed. Cid was thinking to make him pass with a low rank contrary to you…but I made him change his mind.”

“Really?”

“Yes…and I paid for it, losing my job.”

“What do you mean?”

“When Seifer understood he wouldn’t pass, he told everything to Cid about Squall and I. I was so ashamed when he told this in front of Xu and Cid, that they understood he said the truth. Xu knew my feelings for Squall anyway, so Cid decided to fire me. It wasn’t because of my affair with him but because he knew when it concerned Squall, I couldn’t act objectively. He noticed that I was particularly annoyed against Seifer because he hurt Squall and let him behind him during the mission, so he thought I wasn’t good enough to teach. Besides, seeing Seifer’s disobedience finished to convince him about my lack of leadership…”

“So you got fired because of him?”

“I suppose I deserved it. I mean, I used him and I cheated on him when he seemed to care about me…”

“What happened after that?”

“I thought since I had sex with Squall that we would go out, but he turned me down, saying it didn’t mean anything. I understood later he just used me to piss Seifer…and when Rinoa arrived, it was already over for me…”

“When did Seifer dump you? I mean, Rinoa told us they were together, so he probably cheated on you too, right?”

“No…we broke up six months before the seed exam. He met Rinoa later, so he didn’t cheat on me, but he broke my chances with Squall when he introduced her to Cid…or I guess Squall would have never loved me back anyway.”

“When you met him, did you try to talk with him about this?”

“Yes. After the war, I thought about it a lot but since we didn’t see him, I almost forgot it. But when we met him again at Shumi village, everything went back to my mind. I wanted to apologize and to clear the situation between us but he rejected me.”

“That’s not surprising coming from him.”

“No…I think I underestimated the impact of what I did to him. It doesn’t justify the fact he turned his back on us associating to Ultimecia but I had probably a part of responsibility in his choice to follow her.”

“What do you feel about him now?”

“I…I regret to have used and hurt him this way. I mean, he’s proud. Seeing his girlfriend cheating on him with his worst rival wasn’t really easy to accept.” Quistis sighted, depressed. “I always did the right thing in my entire life, working harder than everyone, having the top ranking, following the rules and being the perfect soldier. I never committed a mistake until this day when I had sex with Squall. This single selfish thing broke my relationship with my boyfriend and ruined my career and for what? Nothing! I lost what I had to get nothing in return.”

“No offence Quistis, but your relationship with Seifer would have never lasted anyway. You know him…”

“Yes, but he would have stayed to fight with us instead of fighting against the Garden and his friends.”

“He never had been our friend and he would have done the same mistake following Edea, so don’t put the blame on you for this.”

“Thanks for listening, Zell.”

“No problem.” Zell got up. “You should rest a bit. I’m gonna bring these documents to Xu.”

“Ok. I see you later?”

“Sure.” Zell kissed her forehead friendly and left her room few minutes later. His smile vanished quickly. He had no intention to see Xu right now. There was another person he needed to visit right now and he couldn’t wait.

 

* * *

 

Seifer was cleaning the deck of his boat. He didn’t particularly like his job, but he had nothing to do. Actually, he wasn’t a fisherman but he repaired boats so he moved often to different cities. After his departure from Shumi village, he went to Fisherman’s horizon and got this job.

His discussion with Quistis really pissed him off. He had no desire to see her again. He never admitted but Quistis broke his heart when he discovered she cheated on him with Squall. He never forgave her for that. Then, it had been Rinoa’s turn to choose Squall after that. He hated them, all of them. So when Raijin and Fujin told them they settled down for Squall, it had been too much.

He finished cleaning the deck, when someone cleared his throat behind him. He turned around to see his visitor.

“Do I disturb you?”

“Yes you do. Get the fuck out of my way.” He turned his back on Zell, but the little blonde went on board and followed him. “Don’t start to piss me off, Chicken-wuss, I’m not in the mood.”

“I figure out! Did you throw all what you got to Quistis’s face already or you kept some of your hatred for me?”

“I wondered how you knew I was there but I have my answer now. Get lost.” Seifer went inside of the cabin and closed the door behind him, but Zell forced the way and came in. “Get out of here!”

Zell slammed Seifer’s shoulders roughly.” Fucking liar! You swore you never cheated on me!”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I know you fucked with Quistis! She told me you used to date her!! You liar!!” Zell pushed Seifer away when the other man grabbed his hands to stop him.

“It was already over between us since a long time ago when I started to date Quistis. Anyway, why does it matter now?”

“You just threw me away and Quistis did the same thing with you! How was it to be betrayed by the person you loved, huh, Seifer?”

The scarred man pushed Zell away shaking his head with coldness. “You’re pitiful, Dincht.”

“What?”

“The end of my relationship with Quistis wasn’t comparable with ours.”

“You dumped me like a shit. I meant nothing for you…”

“You just understand what you want. It’s over now anyway. Get out.”

“I loved you…but you just threw me away!”

Seifer ignored him and took a glass to drink some water.”Yeah, yeah…believe what the fuck you want and leave me alone.”

“Tell me why first. What did Quistis have that I hadn’t? Is it because you were ashamed to go out with a man?”

Seifer rolled his eyes, exasperated. “For Hyne’s sake, Zell, I dated you during three fucking years! If it had been a problem, don’t you think I would have broken with you sooner?”

“You had a crush on Quistis during your seed exam with her and you decided to take your chance with her, helping her to pass. And after that you dumped me for her!”

“You know it’s not true.”

“Then WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME IF IT WASN’T FOR HER?”

“Wanna know why? BECAUSE YOU WERE FUCKING CRAZY!!”

Zell moved back, a bit hurt. “You…son of bitch…” he glared at him.

Seifer found his cool again, staring at Zell, with hatred and sadness on the same time. “You never stopped harassing me each time you saw me talking with someone you didn’t know. You followed me everywhere, spied me, read my messages on my cell phone, despite the fact I told you I loved you. You’re the one who ruined everything. You were just fucking nuts and I wanted to be in a normal relationship with a normal lover.”

“I have always been normal. The weird and psycho one was you.”

Seifer smirked at him. “A normal lover wouldn’t have harassed the person he loved as you did and he definitely wouldn’t have planted a knife in his partner’s hand.”

Zell had been affected by those words. He knew Seifer had this point.

“I supported more things than anybody could have handled staying with you and you know it, so don’t inverse the roles. You fucked up.”

“No. You’re wrong…”

“Have you ever been with someone else after me?”

Zell blushed. Actually, he didn’t date another person after their relationship ended. He looked away, ashamed.

“See. Nobody can stand you. So, stop pretending everything is my fault because I have been sincere with you.”

“You…you said it didn’t bother you when I told you and now you’re reproaching me?”

“It wasn’t a problem when you took your medication. But you became a pain in the ass when you stopped to take your pills.”

“I told you I couldn’t stand the side-effects…”

“You could have taken other pills for the side-effects, instead of being a serial pooper! Do you think it was easy for me to deal with you in this state?”

“I’M NORMAL!!” yelled Zell slamming and almost breaking the table with his fists. Seifer moved back, caught by the surprise.

“You were normal. Stopping your medication made you paranoid and uncontrollable. It was too much for me…”

Zell laughed, moving closer. “So, you dumped me to fall in Quistis’s arms?” he looked threatening.

“I suppose you didn’t take your pills again since the time you stopped it?”

“I don’t need it.”

“You need it. Look at yourself…look what you became.”

“That’s my line!” he faced Seifer with anger. “Where is the young revolutionary? The sorceress’s knight? The commander of the galbadian army ?”

Seifer stared at him with pain. “And where is the nice boy, the innocent kid I used to know? Where is the kind and the big –hearted Zell I knew?”

“He is still in front of you. I didn’t change.”

“Yes you changed and in a bad way.”

“What about you?”

Now, Seifer had enough to be blamed. “Despite of what you did to me, I have always protected you and I still do it today. The only thing I want is to live in peace, far away from you and the others. Is that too much to ask?”

“You…protected me? When??” laughed Zell.

Seifer sneered at him. “You really want to see me talking about your role during the last war, Baby?”

Zell froze. “What are you talking about?”

“I know what you did, Dincht. It’s so easy to play the stupid and the hyperactive blonde with the others, but it doesn’t work with me. You were perfectly aware of what you were doing when you revealed we came from Balamb, didn’t you?”

“…”

“What about D-District? Lunatic Pandora?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…” lied Zell looking away, embarrassed.

Seifer moved closer and fixed him. “Being with a powerful sorceress had some advantages. She showed me what you did…poor Rinoa. Such a shame for you that Squall arrived just in time to rescue her…”

Zell lifted his head to check Seifer’s sincerity. Maybe he was just trying to bluff? “You can’t prove anything anyway.”

“Really?”

“Do you think people would give credits to your story? I’m one of the heroes who killed Ultimecia. Nobody would ever believe the sorceress’s knight.” Zell smirked with pride. He was confident and didn’t fear Seifer.

“You should know with the time that I never do things without being sure of myself.”

Zell lost his smile, understanding quickly that Seifer had something against him.  “And may I ask you how do you intend to prove what you say?”

“Well, I can use Odine’s machine to go back in the past and to show to everybody your active role during the war, don’t you think?”

Zell began to panic.

“Or I can do better. Why do not ask directly to Ellone to send people in the past? She did it more than once and since she needs to know the persons to travel in their past, I don’t think it would be a problem for us. Am I wrong?”

“…”

“See. If I really wanted to ruin your life, I could do it easily.”

“What do you want?”

“I want you get out of my life once for all. I don’t intend to open my mouth but if you keep bothering me, I could change my mind. So don’t you dare come again to piss me off or I swear I’ll destroy your fucking life as you ruined mine.” Threatened Seifer dangerously before turning his back to him. “Now, get the fuck out.”

 

Zell obeyed and left the little boat quickly. He ran fast and returned to the Garden. He was suffocating, out of air. “ _I’m fucked, I’m fucked, I’m fucked…what can I do??”_ he wondered walking nervously. He was shaking like a leaf because of the stress, completely panicked. _“I can’t trust him. If he talks, it’s over…he would ruin my life. I can’t let it happen…”_


	4. Unforgivable

When Zell came back to Balamb Garden, he went directly in his room. He was particularly stressed and couldn’t calm down. He sat on his bed but got up few seconds later, walking and walking again to think.

“Ok…let’s think about it. He knows a lot of things about me, but he didn’t say anything. But it doesn’t mean he wouldn’t speak. But he could have done it a long time ago. Why didn’t he do it? Can I trust him? I mean, he didn’t look nasty when I saw him…but, what do I know about him? About what he did since the end of the war? I mean, it’s not like I could think he’s still the same boy I know…Hyne, what should I do?” wondered Zell, thinking desperately about his situation.

“I’m too stressed. Maybe I should take my pills? It would help me to calm down…” He went to his desk and opened the drawer to take a little box of pills. He kept it in his hand, fixing it, before throwing it in the garbage can.

“If I take it, I would give him right. I’m not sick and I’m not crazy! I don’t need it!” Zell lost his control and threw his medication on the garbage. He left his room to reach the training center. In this sort of situation, he needed to express his stress and fear on somebody, so the monsters at the training center were the perfect victims for this.

 

At the end of the day, the repairs were done, so the Bgu could leave Fisherman’s Horizon. But instead of returning to Balamb, the Garden continued his road, on the sea, to get around the railway between Horizon and Esthar. An announcement at the loudspeaker told to the people their next destination.

_“Your attention, please. The Garden is on the road to reach Esthar city. We received a request from the estharian army. The seeds and the candidates for the seed exam on the battlefield have to prepare themselves. We will give you more details later. Thank you for your attention.”_

Cid had convoked everyone in his office with Squall to talk about the mission.

“What are we supposed to do at Esthar?” asked Selphie.

“As you probably heard when I made the announcement, the esharian army requested our help. It seems that some dangerous and powerful creatures managed to break the security system around the Palace.”

“Is Laguna alright?” demanded Quistis.

“Yes. They evacuated the whole Palace. He’s safe in Odine’s laboratory with Kiros, Ward and Ellone. As you know, after the war, Esthar built another safety barrier around the city to protect the population against the monsters coming from the Lunar cry. Until now, they managed to keep them outside of the city but they came in. Apparently, they destroyed a part of the commercial center and the area around the air station. The situation is under control except around the presidential palace. The soldiers are overwhelmed.”

“So, what are we going to do?” asked Irvine.

“Quistis, Irvine and I will help the estharian army. This way, we will watch the candidates for the seed exam.” Explained Squall. “Selphie, you will stay at the air station. Some of their ships had been broken and they need help for the repairs. Since you’re our pilot, you will give them a hand.”

“No problem!”

“What about me?”

“Zell, you will stay at Odine’s laboratory to protect Laguna and Ellone. They don’t have enough soldiers to assure their protection, so I want you there.” Said Squall; he was a bit nervous about Zell’s reaction, hoping that he wouldn’t be disappointed to not be sent on the battlefield. But strangely, Zell didn’t protest.

“Understood.”

Squall wondered why Zell seemed to take it so well, but he shrugged. He had better things to do right now.

“Ok. Be ready. We’ll arrive in two hours. You’re dismissed.”

 

 

Two hours later, everyone went on the battlefield. The group slipped in three parts: Squall, Irvine and Quistis went to the presidential Palace, Selphie to the air station and Zell to Odine’s laboratory. On his way, he met two soldiers at the entrance.

“Seed Zell Dincht, from Balamb garden.”

The soldiers checked his id and let him pass. Kiros welcomed him in the main hall.

“Good evening, Mister Dincht.”

“Mister Seagill.”

“Thanks for coming. Follow me.”

The two men walked in the corridor.

“How is the situation in Esthar?”

“It could be better but we endured worse. We already cleaned the city from the monsters but there’re still some around the Palace. Our soldiers are exhausted after had fought so much. We wouldn’t have asked to come, but it’s almost done so…”

“No problem. If we can help you, it’s good. How are Laguna and Ellone?”

“Fine, thank you. Actually, Laguna requested help from Balamb Garden especially to protect Ellone. He’s overprotective with her.

“I see that.”

They arrived in a large room. Ward was looking through the window when Laguna was talking on the phone. Ellone was sat on a sofa, waiting peacefully, when she saw Zell.

“Zell!”

“Hi Ellone. How are you?”

“I’m happy to see you. How are you doing?”

 “Nothing new for me. I’m glad to meet you again.” Zell waved at Ward to say hello. The man replied nodding with his head.

“I hope everything would be alright for the rest of the gang. There’re much more monsters in the city than the last time you came…”

“Don’t worry for them. If we defeated Ultimecia, we can defeat everything.”

“Yes you‘re right.”

Laguna finally ended his conversation and joined them. “They finished repairing the barrier. Now, we just have to kill the monsters left in the town and we would be safe. Hi Zell!”

“President Loire.”

“Nah, no need to call me this way, man! So, how are you?”

“I’m fine, thanks.”

“What about Squall? I thought he would have come here with you?”

“He preferred to go on the battlefield. You know how he is.”

“Of course…”

“Sorry. I suppose you would have preferred to see him instead of me?”

“No! Not at all! I’m sorry if you took it for you.”

“Then, try to think before speaking.” Said Kiros.

“Hey! I apologized, ok? No need to be so mean!”

“Whatever.”

 “What a good imitation of Squall, Kiros!” laughed Zell.

“Thank you. Would you like something to drink, maybe?”

“No thanks. I’m gonna make a round to see if everything is ok, just for the security.”

“Sure. We’re here to protect Ellone anyway.” Agreed Laguna. “Be careful.”

 “It won’t be long.”

 

Zell left the room and walked in the corridor. Actually, he wasn’t patrolling. He was looking for something special. He remembered the place since he already came here the last time, when the crystal pillar crossed the whole city to reach Tears point. He observed any corner, any wall on his way to see the cameras. He knew everything was recorded. He arrived at the flying platform and sat to go upstairs. Odine’s laboratory was there. He knocked at the door and entered.

“Who’z there?” asked a rude voice with a horrible accent.

“Doctor Odine I presume?”

“Who are you? How dare you comin’ here wizhout azking permizzion, you inzolent brat?” complained the doctor upset. When he saw Zell’s face, he seemed to recognize him. “Hmm…I know you! You are thiz man who came with Zorzerezz Edea!”

“Yes. I’m Zell Dincht, a seed from Balamb. I’m here to protect President Loire and Ellone. I just make a round to see if everything is alright. Is there any problem here?”

“Nozhin’ to report. No monzter here.”

“I see.” Zell approached toward his machine. “Tell me: what are you working on right now? I’m curious.”

 “Ah! I zee you’re interezted! Good, good! Doctor Odine iz alwayz happy to zhare hiz knowledge wizh people! Come clozer!” Odine showed him proudly his machine. “I made zome improvementz to my mazhine.”

“Is this what you called the “Ellone’s machine”?”

“Yez! Glad to zee you remember it!”

“What sorts of improvements did you do?”

“When I ztarted to work on thiz mazhine, I reproduzed the zame effectz that Ellone’z power. We could travel in the pazt but only to the people that Ellone knew like her friendz, Prezident Loire and Mizterz Zeagill and Zabac.”

“I repeat my question: what sorts of improvements did you do?” asked Zell annoyed.

“Impatient az alwayz, aren’t you?”

“Just finish your damn story!”

“If you let me zpeak wizhout interrupting me all the time, I could finizh!” replied Odine exasperated. “Now, we can explore the pazt of everyone! We don’t need to zhare a bond with Ellone anymore! Izn’t it wonderful?”

“Yes. It’s…nice.”

“Nize? Nize you zaid? It’z extremely extraordinary!”

“Don’t flatter yourself that much! You’re annoying!”

“Don’t you underztand, zilly boy? That meanz we can travel in the pazt and dizcover the origninz of our zivilization!”

“Yeah, yeah…so great.” Said Zell without enthusiasm. He looked around him and noticed that there was no camera in the room.

Odine rolled his eyes. “I knew you were too ztupid to underztand anyway!” He returned to his machine.

Zell joined him. “How is it working?” he began to touch few buttons when Odine started to panic.

“Hey!! What do you zhink you are doin idiot?!”

“What?”

“You’re going to destroy my mazhine! Don’t touzh her!! I hope you didn’t break zomthin or I zwear I will kill you!”

Odine was so preoccupied to check if Zell hadn’t provoked a problem that he didn’t notice that the blonde put something under the panel.

“Leave now or you’re gonna do zomethin bad again!”

“ok, ok. I’m leaving…crazy old man…” murmured Zell moving away.

“I hear you! Incompetent and ztupid brat!” yelled back Odine furious.

After that, Zell left the room and took the flying platform again. He finished his round and went back ten minutes later to the room where Laguna, Ellone, Kiros and Ward were waiting.

 “Zell! Is everything alright?” asked Ellone.

“Yes. Did you receive some news about the others?”

“Nothing.”

“Ok. Then, let’s wait.”

 

 

At the end of the day, the rest of the group joined them at Odine’s laboratory. They finally cleaned the whole town from the monsters.

“Thanks for your hard work.” Said Laguna, holding his hand to Squall who completely ignored him.

“It was our job. Don’t start to imagine it was personal or something.” He replied coldly.

Laguna moved back, a bit hurt, but he understood his reaction. After the war, he told him everything and as he expected, Squall didn’t react very well. Fortunately, Ellone tried to pacify their relationship. Thanks to her, Squall had accepted to talk with Laguna two times but it hadn’t been really effective. They needed more time.

“I see. Anyway, where’s Rinoa?”

“At the Garden. I asked her to assure the commandment of the Garden with Xu during our absence. I thought it would have been better to not let her come with us. This place doesn’t recall her good memories and the soldiers would have been scared about her since she is a sorceress…”

“Yes, you’re right. How is she? Do you want that Odine checks her condition?”

“No. She’s fine.”

“Ok! Let’s go back to the presidential palace!” concluded Ellone. “We’ll be more comfortable there.”

“Yes.”

 

 

The group stayed the whole evening talking and talking about their childhood. They hadn’t been reunited a long time ago and Ellone was really happy to see her brother. In this reunion, two persons were missing: Rinoa (even if she wasn’t a member of the gang since she didn’t grow up with them) and Seifer.

Even if everybody seemed to be happy, Quistis noticed something strange in Zell’s attitude. It was as if he wasn’t there. He looked particularly preoccupied. She decided to have a word with him to know if everything was alright.

“Zell?”

“Yes?”

She took his arm and dragged him to walk with her. She wanted to have some privacy to talk with him freely.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes. Why do you ask?”

“Because…you look distant, thoughtful. You can talk to me, you know?”

“I know but I’ve nothing to say in particular.”

“Are you sure?” she insisted asking again.

Quistis’s insistence began to make Zell lose his poker face. He wondered if she suspected something, but he tried to remain calm.

 “I’m fine, really. You don’t have to worry that much for me. Actually, I’m a bit tired…I didn’t sleep very well last night. I probably ate something bad because my stomach hurts…”

“Oh, really? Why don’t you go to see Kadowaki?”

“I endured worse. I don’t wanna go for something so insignificant.”

“Is really that all?”

“Yes! What do you think I have?”

“I don’t know…I just wondered if you were mad at me.”

“Why should i?”

“Well, after what happened between us the last time, I was afraid to see you mad because I asked you if we could stay friends so…”

“I also agreed for this, remember?”

“Yes…”

“I really meant it. As I told you, it was great but we are friends. I don’t see us becoming a couple…”

“Me neither…but I felt guilty to have asked you something like this.”

“If I really didn’t want to do it, I wouldn’t have agreed. It’s not something you can do to please someone. I was feeling lonely too so…”

“Ok. I’m glad we think the same.”

“No need to think about this again, ok?”

“Fine. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I mean, not only to have comforted me. Thank you to have listened to me…and to not have judged me. I’m not particularly proud of myself to have hurt Seifer’s feelings this way…”

“You shouldn’t torture yourself that much for him. He hurt you back.”

“Yes. I wonder what he’s doing right now.”

“Does it matter?”

“I still care about him.”

Zell felt the anger and the jalousie coming. “Do you still…love him?”

“I don’t think so; Actually, I never loved him to begin with…but I’m worried for him. I’d like to make peace with him…but he was so furious against me the last time that I know he would never accept.”

“Then, you should forget him.”

“Maybe…”

Zell had enough to listen to her but he couldn’t avoid her. He had to act normally or people would suspect something.

“Why don’t we join the others? They would wonder where we are, don’t you think?”

“Yes, you’re right.” Agreed Quistis, following Zell. The two friends went back to the main room with the rest of the gang.

 

* * *

 

The next morning.

The Garden stayed at Esthar for the night. The gang needed to visit Laguna again to be sure that the mission was complete and to make their report. They went back to the Garden yesterday, late in the night, after had enjoyed a good moment together.

Squall, Zell, Quistis, Irvine and Selphie arrived at the Palace. Laguna, Kiros, Ward and Ellone were already waiting for them.

“Hi guys! How are you?” asked Laguna, joyful.

“Thanks again for your precious help. The situation is under control now.” Said Kiros.

Everyone went on the main room to discuss. But after ten or maybe fifteen minutes, a soldier interrupted them coming in.

“What is it?” demanded Laguna to the soldier.

“Mister President. There has been an explosion in Doctor Odine’s laboratory.”

“An explosion?”

“Yes. We sent a team and ambulances there. It seems serious…”

“Are there any injuries or deaths?”

“We’re not sure yet…”

“Ok, I’m coming.”

“No you can’t leave the palace, Sir. According to the testimony of the first witnesses we heard, it looks like a bombing. We need to secure the perimeter and to start the investigation.”

Laguna and Kiros looked each other, when Selphie approached. “We can help you since we are here.”

“Yes. It would be nice of you, guys.” Said Laguna. “I don’t want to stay here without doing anything. Bring me there. I’m big enough to protect myself.”

“But Sir…”

“We’ll take care of his safety, don’t worry.” Added Squall.

The guard nodded and left the place. Laguna looked at Ellone. “I prefer to see you here, sweetie. If it’s actually a bombing, that means there’s probably a terrorist in the town. I don’t know why he or they are attacking us, but it’s better to stay at the palace.”

 “As you wish, but please, be careful.”

“Sure. Is there someone who can stay with Ellone?”

“I will.” Proposed Zell. “You can count on me.”

“Thanks.” Replied Squall, reassured.

“I’ll stay too. I don’t think all of us need to go to Odine’s laboratory.” Added Quistis.

“Yes, you’re right.” Agreed Squall. “Let’s go everybody; Quistis, Zell, Ellone. See you later and be careful.”

After had said goodbye, the group left, letting Ellone, Zell and Quistis alone.

“I hope people are ok. I don’t particularly like Odine but…” said sadly Ellone.

“But you’re too nice to hate anyone, Ellone.” Replied Quistis motherly.

“You’re still the same after all this time.” Added Zell.

“I guess. I’m happy you two are with me. I feel more secure.”

 

Quistis’s presence was disturbing for Zell. He hadn’t planned she would had proposed herself to stay with them. He didn’t have any other choice to change his plans.

The three of them waited, talking or playing cards together during the whole morning, when Ellone got up.

“I’m going to the bathroom.”

“Sure.”

She left the main room. Zell followed her. “I’m gonna check the corridor to stay near of the bathroom.”

“Do you think it’s necessary?”

“Well, I’ve nothing better to do and since we don’t know anything about the bombing at Odine’s laboratory, it would be safer.”

“Yes you’re right. Do you want I go?”

“No it’s alright. I can do it myself. Just rest.”

Quistis nodded and let Zell leaving. The blonde didn’t waste more time and went to the electrical panel he located yesterday. He turned it off and the system stopped the cameras. He knew the monitoring agent would notice something was wrong with the video system quickly so he ran toward the bathroom as fast as he could to not be seen. He arrived in front of the door and broke it with his foot. Ellone was washing her hands. She panicked and jumped back when she heard the door breaking. But she found her cool immediately when she saw Zell.

“Zell! You scared me! What’s going on??”

The door wasn't completely broken so he could close it behind him. He came closer dangerously, searching something in his pocket.

“I’m really sorry, Ellone. It’s not what I want…but I don’t have any other choice…”

She began to understand something was wrong with him. “Zell? I…don’t understand. What do you mean??”

“I would have never imagined that I could do this to you one day…I’m really sorry. I love you but…I can’t take any risk.”

“Zell…you’re scaring me. What are you saying?” she moved back, afraid.

He pulled a gun out of his pocket and aimed Ellone. “This is his fault! I would have never thought about it before…but now I can’t help it.”

“Zell…what are you doing? I’m…your friend…you..you won’t do that, right?” she tried to convince him the best way she could but she was terrorized.

 “Why do you have to get this power? See what I’m forced to do right now! “

“I..don’t get it but please Zell…let me go. I’m..not dangerous. You know I’m weak…and harmless…”

“Yes…and it’s even worse! I really don’t want to do that…but I can’t. I can’t let you live…”

“Zell…please! No!!”

But he didn’t listen to her pleas and shot her in the head. The poor Ellone died instantly and fell on the floor. Zell swallowed his guilt containing his tears and broke everything around him:  soap dish, mirror, window, cupboard and all…then, he took a large breath and shot himself in the stomach a first time, and in the arm. He fell on the ground and yelled to call help.

“HELP! HELP!!”

He crawled in the corridor. The cameras were working again just few seconds ago and the monitoring agent saw him bleeding. He gave the alert. The guards and Quistis joined him quickly.

“ZELL!! YOU’RE HURT!!” cried Quistis, panicked.

“El..Ellone…h..hurry…” whispered Zell.

A guard entered in the bathroom and saw her dead body. He checked her pulse and noticed she was already dead. “It’s too late…what happened?”

Zell was still holding a gun in his hand. He was speaking with difficulties. “I..hea..rd..her scream..ing…so..i bro..ke the door..and I fought..with someone…he..shot me..but I took..his gun..he..escaped..by..the win..dow…i..mis..sed him…”

“Save your energy.” Said Quistis healing his wounds with curaga.

“Have you seen his face, Sir?” asked a guard.

“He..was…wearing..a..m..ask…and glo..ves..check..the..cam..eras…”

“The video system stopped working during five minutes. I don’t know if we would be able to see anyone but we’ll check it. Block the access. Nobody must go out!” ordered the guard.

“But if he escaped by the window, I don’t think he’s still here, Sir.”

“Make a round outside of the palace and check every place of the building! Hurry!”

“Hold on, Zell.”

“Quis…i..am..sorry..i couldn’t..have..pro..tected..Ello..ne…” Then, he collapsed.

“Zell! Zell!!”

 

Quistis called Kiros. She asked them to come back to the Palace immediately. She told him Ellone was dead and Zell had been hurt severely. Kiros hadn’t had the strength to say it to Laguna and Squall so he just told them they had to go back to the Palace. Everyone understood something terrible happened. When they arrived, the palace was encircled by guards.

Squall and the rest of the group asked to the guards what happened, but they just said that an intruder managed to come in the palace and broke the security system before leaving. They ran inside and saw Quistis. Her clothes were covered by blood.

“Quis! Are you hurt??” asked Selphie, panicked.

“No…that’s not my blood..but Zell’s one.” She said sadly. “Squall, Laguna…something terrible happened.”

“Where’s Zell? Where’s Ellone?” asked Squall immediately.

“Zell is at the infirmary. He had been shot in the stomach and the arm. He fainted before you arrived but the doctors said he will live.”

“Ellone??”

She looked down, crying. “Zell heard her screaming in the bathroom so he broke the door…he told me he fought with someone before had been shot. He escaped by the window…”

“I asked you how is Ellone!” repeated Squall.

“She’s..dead. She had been shot in the head…” Quistis cracked and cried harder.

At the same time, the medical team took Ellone’s dead body out of the bathroom on a stretcher. She was covered by a white sheet. Squall and Laguna ran toward them and removed the sheet. They could see by themselves the horrible truth. Ellone…was dead.

“No, no, no…it can’t…” murmured Squall.

Laguna burst in tears and hugged Ellone in his arms. “Sweetie…no..not you…”

“it CAN’T BE TRUE! NO WAY!!” Squall used several curaga on her trying desperately to bring her back to life but as expected, it didn’t work. Everyone tried to calm him, but he pushed them away violently.

“WAKE UP! ELLONE! YOU CAN’T DIE!!”

Laguna fell on his knees, overwhelmed by the pain and the sadness.

“LET ME GO! ELLONE!! WAKE UP! PLEASE! WAKE UP!!” continued to scream Squall, struggling.

Then, he collapsed. Selphie had casted a sleep spell on him when she understood he wouldn’t calm down. Quistis thanked her with a sad smile and with Irvine’s help, she carried Squall to the infirmary. Kiros and Ward took care of Laguna.

 

* * *

 

Seifer was walking in the streets in Fisherman’s Horizon when he decided to have a drink in the little pub, near of the port. He sat around a table and ordered a beer. The waitress came back with it and he paid. He was in front of the tv, so he could see the program. It was an old movie that nobody was watching. The weather was good and peaceful today, so there were a lot of people outside.

The movie stopped and a woman appeared with the mention Breaking news.

“ _We apologize to interrupt your program but this is important information. According to Esthar’s Medias, two terrorist attacks claimed 10 innocent lives, including Ellone Loire, the adoptive daughter of Esthar’s president Laguna Loire. The first attack, a bombing, destroyed Odine’s laboratory. The famous scientist wasn’t in the room when the bomb exploded but nine of his co-workers died in the explosion or at the hospital as a result of their injuries sustained. The second attack had been actually perpetrated by an intruder who aimed Ellone Loire personally. He shot her in the head and managed to escape by the window. In his evasion, he also hurt severally another person, the seed Zell Dincht, known as one of the six heroes who killed the sorceress Ultimecia. He was assigned to Ellone Loire’s protection and had a fight with the murderer before he left. Zell Dincht is still at the hospital but his life is no longer in danger. We'll give you more details about this terrible event when we’ll know more…”_

Hearing this, Seifer panicked. At the begging, he wondered if Zell was ok…but he quickly made the link with Zell, Ellone’s death, the destruction of Odine’s laboratory and his last conversation with the martial artist.

 _“No…don’t tell me he took me seriously?_ ” he asked to himself.

He even didn’t finish his beer and left to go back to his boat. He tried to find his cool again, but there were too many coincidences.

“I just told him this to make him leave…I wouldn’t have done it anyway…maybe it’s just my imagination?”

But he knew Zell. He knew him better than anyone. He recalled this special day…when he understood it couldn’t go on this way anymore. It was a long time ago.

 

_Seven years ago._

_Seifer went back to his room at the Garden. He was exhausted._

_“Welcome back!”_

_He turned around and saw Zell, half-naked on his bed. “Hum…looked like you missed me.”_

_The little blonde smiled seductively and got up to kiss his lover. “I waited for you like this all the day…you know, I began to freeze.”_

_“Really tempting, Baby, but I can’t tonight.”_

_“What?”_

_“It’s Fujin’s birthday. Raijin and I have planned a little party for her at Balamb pub. I just have the time to take a shower and to change.”_

_Zell pouted, crossing his arms against his chest. “Can’t it wait?”_

_“Are you deaf? I told you it was Fujin’s birthday.”_

_“So what? She’s more important than me?”_

_“Don’t start again with this, Zell. I’m not in the mood.”_

_“Me neither!”_

_“Then, stop pissing me all the time!”_

_“I wouldn’t need to piss you if you were honest with me!”_

_“Here we go again!”_

_“You pass a lot of time with her! More than with me!”_

_“She’s just a friend! Besides, I remember I never stay alone with Fujin. Raijin is always with her! Do you think I’m engaged in a threesome or something? Can’t you think with your brain for once?”_

_“She’s in love with you! How am I supposed to react when I see my boyfriend hanging around all the time with a girl who is completely crazy about you?”_

_“Each time you see a girl talking with me, you make me a scene. How many times should I tell you that Fujin is just a friend?”_

_“Then, let me come with you!”_

_“Oh yeah! You’re right! It wouldn’t be suspicious at all! I mean, inviting my favorite victim for a private moment with my friends would be something perfectly normal!” mocked Seifer. “After all what we did, playing the enemies in public to not be discovered…do you really want to reveal to the whole Garden we are going out? Should I remember you that it was your idea to keep it secret?”_

_Zell blushed. “You know I would have done the same thing even with a girl.”_

_“I don’t mind at all and you know it. But you can’t come with me at Fujin’s birthday.”_

_“You never have time for me anyway! If you don’t love me anymore, just say it!”_

_Seifer looked at him, exasperated. “Did you take your pills?”_

_“Don’t change the subject!”_

_“Did you take it or not?”_

_“Yes I did!”_

_“Liar.”_

_“I’m not!”_

_“Yes you are! You promised me you would take it and judging by your reaction, I know you didn’t!”_

_“Don’t try to run away with this lame excuse! And I took my pills!”_

_Seifer had enough and dressed again without showering. “You know what? Fuck you! Believe whatever you want. I’m tired to fight with you all the time!” he left his room and slammed the door behind him._

_He directly went to Balamb to join Raijin and Fujin there. She didn’t have any idea about the surprise and thought they just went to the city to have a drink. They invited her at the pub and commanded her favorite meals and a birthday cake. Usually, Fujin wasn't demonstrative at all, but this time, she looked really happy. She was sat with Seifer at the table. Raijin just left to go to the bathroom._

_“It was really nice of you, guys.”_

_“You’re welcome. Happy birthday.”_

_“Thanks.” She blushed, looking down. “Hum…can I ask you something please?”_

_“Sure. What is it?”_

_“You know…you’re my friend…but…”_

_“But…”_

_“How..do you find me? I mean…physically.”_

_“Why do you ask?”_

_“Just by curiosity. So?”_

_“Hum…you know, I never wondered it. But you’re pretty cute.”_

_“Be honest with me. Please.”_

_“I am. You’re cute and I would even say…sexy.”_

_“Really?”_

_“Yes. But why do you ask?”_

_“Well…I think I have a crush on someone so…”_

_“Who is it?”_

_“I won’t tell you.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Because.”_

_“Why? I wanna know!”_

_“EMBARRASSING!”_

_“You said too much to stop now! Tell me.”_

_“NO!”_

_Seifer laughed at her. “Is it me?”_

_She blushed. “Stop it!”_

_“No, seriously. Is it me?”_

_She turned her head on the opposite side to avoid his gaze. But she also knew that it was her only chance, so she changed her mind and stole a quick kiss to him, before turning her back to him. Seifer blinked, a bit surprised._

_“Fuu…”_

_“I’m sorry. I know I’m just a friend for you. I’m not in love…but well, you know, you’re attractive…”_

_“I’m really flattered but…I can’t. I already have someone I love.”_

_“Yeah…I figured out. I’m sorry.”_

_“Don’t. But I think you should think about someone else. Even if I were single, I don’t think I would have dated you…”_

_“So you lied when you said I was cute?”_

_“No! That’s not for this reason. Actually, you’re my type and I find you really great. But if we would be together, we would ruin our friendship and we would let Raijin apart…that’s not what I want. I’m sorry.”_

_“No, no. it’s my fault. Let’s forget it!”_

_Raijin came back and they continued their party together. Seifer was thanking Hyne mentally because if Zell had seen that, he would have gone crazy. But unfortunately for him, Zell saw everything. He went to the pub to watch them, to be sure that Seifer wouldn’t cheat on him. He stayed hidden during the whole time they were there._

_After their dinner and some beers, the three friends were leaving Balamb when Seifer received a message on his cell phone._

_“I’m at home, in Balamb. My Ma isn’t here tonight; if you’re still at Balamb, join me after your party. I love you.”_

_Seifer felt guilty to have left this way earlier when he argued again with Zell. He didn’t like to stay in conflict with him, so he told to Raijin and Fujin to return to the Garden without him._

_He went to Zell’s home and knocked._

_“Come in.”_

_Zell was in the kitchen, drinking a glass of water._

_“Hi.”_

_“Hi, Love. How was your party?”_

_“Good. Fujin really appreciated.” He moved closer and kissed Zell’s lips tenderly. “I thought you were mad at me?”_

_“I overreacted as always. I’m sorry.”_

_Seifer smiled relieved. “Never mind. So…still in the mood for some bed exercises?”_

_“Always!”_

_Seifer took off his trench coat and sat around the table. “Can you give me some water please? I’m thirsty.”_

_“Sure.”_

_Zell filled a glass and took discreetly a knife in the kitchen before coming back to Seifer. He sat at his left, smiling._

_“So? What did you buy for her birthday present?”_

_“We upgraded her sword with Raijin. You know Fujin isn’t the sort of girl who likes jewels and all…”_

_“Yeah…” Zell got up and went just behind Seifer, enrolling his arms around his shoulders and kissing his neck. His lover let him doing, enjoying it. “But she’s still a girl…and I’m sure this fucking slut would be more than ok to spread her legs to give you her pussy, don’t you think?”_

_Seifer noticed the sudden change of tone in Zell’s voice and understood quickly that something was wrong. But he didn’t have the time to do anything that Zell pulled his hair out and hit his head agaisnt the table violently, hurting his nose. He kept his head down pressed against the table with strength._

_“Fucking liar! I saw her kissing you!! Does she kiss better than me?”_

_Seifer tried to release himself, pressing his hands on the table to get some strength but Zell was stronger than him since he took him by surprise. He thought he needed to calm him down._

_“You..yo..u’re wrong…she…kissed..me…b..ut i…turn..ed her..down…” murmured Seifer with difficulties._

_“LIAR!” Then, Zell planted a knife in Seifer’s hand._

_“AAARGH!!”_

_Zell’s mother just entered at this time. She panicked when she saw her child hurting his lover. “ZELL!!”_

_“Ma? But…what are you doing here?” Without realizing, Zell released the pressure on Seifer. The other man took this opportunity to hit him with the back of his head, which made him fall on the floor. With his strength, Seifer had almost broken Zell’s nose who was holding his bleeding wound. Miss Dincht was stunned and didn’t know how to react. Seifer took a big breath before removing in a single quick move the knife in his hand. He moaned in pain but kept his self-control._

_“Son of bitch!” Zell got up and ran toward Seifer to hit him but the tall blonde blocked his fist and punched him really hard in the face, knocking him. He collected Zell’s body just before he fell._

_“Seifer…but what happened?” asked Miss Dincht in tears._

_“Help me first to carry him on the sofa.”_

_She reached his side and carried Zell’s feet while Seifer held him by the shoulders. They deposed him on the sofa. His nose was bleeding but it wasn’t broken._

_“Grab something to treat his wound.”_

_“Yes. What about you?”_

_“It’s ok. I can wait.”_

_“Show me.” She took his hand and checked his wound caused by the knife. “Hyne…what happened again?”_

_“I suppose he didn’t take his pills again and he got mad because he saw me with Fujin and Raijin.”_

_“Oh no…”_

_Miss Dincht treated Zell’s wound and took care of Seifer after that._

_“I thought he was about to kill me. Thank God you arrived…”_

_“I wasn’t supposed to come back tonight. I planned to visit my sister at Dollet but my train had been cancelled. Hyne…he was out of control. I’ve never seen him like this before.”_

_“Me either. Usually, when we argued, he just shouted and insulted me. Well, he slapped me last time…but it wasn’t that serious…”_

_“I don’t know what to do anymore, Seifer. At the beginning, everything was fine between you two. I didn’t understand why he changed so suddenly and why he stopped his medication.”_

_“He thought he didn’t need it anymore since he was feeling good without it…but it made him paranoid. He is always on my back, watching what I’m doing, with who I’m talking…I’m exhausted.”_

_“I know. I have to confess I’m afraid for you now I saw what he did to you tonight.”_

_“I can’t trust him anymore…”_

_“So…you’re gonna break with him?”_

_“I think it’s the better thing to do.”_

_“I guess you’re right. He needs an electroshock to change.  Maybe he would reconsider that his treatment is good and vital for him?”_

_“Yeah…I regret to have to go that far. But it’s for his sake.”_

_The next day._

_Zell woke up in his bed, in Balamb. His head hurt as if he had drunk a lot. His vision was blurry and his nose was covered by a bandage. He took the time to recall the last night and remembered everything. He joined his mother downstairs who was preparing the breakfast._

_When she heard him, she came closer. “Hi Darling.”_

_“Hi…” Zell sat heavily on a chair._

_“Want some coffee or an orange juice?”_

_“No…just water please.”_

_“Sure.” She grabbed a glass and filled it with water before holding it to him._

_“Thanks.”_

_“How are you feeling?”_

_“Tired…what time is it?”_

_“Almost 8:00.”_

_“I need to go back to the Garden.” He got up and grabbed his shoes on his way._

_“Don’t you want to eat something first?”_

_“I’m not hungry.”_

_She looked at him, confused. She wanted to talk to him about the last night and about his medication, but she was a bit scared about his reaction. He really had been violent with Seifer._

_Zell noticed her embarrassment so he broke the silence. “Are you afraid of me?”_

_“What?”_

_“I mean…after what you saw yesterday night?”_

_“Zell…I’m worried for you…”_

_“I’m fine. I know I lost control with Seifer…I’ll apologize.”_

_“Don’t forget to take your pills please…”_

_“Yes…sorry for yesterday.”_

_“You better say it Seifer.”_

_“I will. See you.” He kissed her cheek and left._

_Miss Dincht looked at him leaving, worried. She knew that it was better to not make Zell even angrier when he was in this state. She felt useless._

_When Zell arrived at the garden, he went directly to Seifer’s room. He knew his code but when he touched the panel to enter it, it didn’t work. He understood quickly that the tall blonde changed his code. So, he decided to go to the disciplinary committee quarters. He didn’t care if Raijin and Fujin were there. He needed to talk with Seifer. When he arrived in front of the door, he didn’t knock immediately. He took a large breath and pushed the door directly. Seifer was there, at his desk, reading some documents. Fortunately, he was alone._

_The tall blonde lifted his head but returned to his work quickly. “Get out. I’m busy.”_

_“We need to talk.” Zell entered, ignoring his request and locked the door behind him._

_“Don’t wanna. Get out.”_

_“Seifer, please…”_

_His lover lost his patience and yelled at him. “I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE!”_

_Zell moved back, a bit surprised by his anger, but he didn’t complain. “I know you’re angry…and I deserve it. I don’t know what happened to me yesterday…Seifer, I’m so sorry…”_

_Seifer got quickly that Zell wouldn’t leave, so he decided to end this. “It’s always the same thing: you accuse me, you insult me and after you come back to me to apologize.”_

_“I know…”_

_“No you don’t know anything!” Seifer walked away. He didn’t want to be close to him anymore. “Why did you follow me at the pub?”_

_“I…” but nothing came out._

_“No need to answer. I already know why anyway.”_

_“Ok, I fucked up yesterday. I hit you and I lost control. I’ve been a fucking bastard, that’s right. But she kissed you. Don’t tell me there’s nothing between you two!”_

_“Fujin told me she had a crush on me, but I turned her down. I told her that I already had someone I loved and she gave up. She surprised me. I didn’t kiss her back. If you stayed for the rest of the night, you probably saw that by yourself, didn’t you?”_

_“Yes…but I can’t help it. I’m jealous…”_

_“We’re not talking about jalousie anymore at this point but about insanity.”_

_Zell felt hurt. “You don’t have to be so mean…I already feel guilty enough.”_

_“Yes and for how long? Until the next time when you will freak out again?”_

_“There won’t be a next time, I promise.”_

_“Yeah, for once, we agree. There won’t be a next time.”_

_Zell frowned. “Yes, promised! I will control myself from now on and…”_

_“That’s not what I mean, Zell.”_

_“Huh?”_

_Seifer sighted sadly. “I mean…it’s over.”_

_“Wh..what is over?”_

_“Us. I can’t take it anymore.”_

_Zell began to realize what it meant. He ran toward Seifer and grabbed him by the arms. “You…dump me??”_

_“This is your fault, Zell. That’s too much for me.”_

_“Ok, ok…I’ve been horrible last night with you. I’m deeply sorry but I swear it will never happen again! I swear!” he looked for something in his pocket and showed him his medication. “Look! I take my pills right now, in front of you!” He took one and swallowed it before showing the inside of his mouth to prove his honesty._

_“It’s too late. You went too far yesterday.”_

_“Please…I’m sorry. I wasn’t in a good state yesterday…I don’t know what happened to me and why I became crazy but I swear I will never do it again! Promised!!”_

_Seifer released himself from Zell’s grip. “Do you really think I can forget it so easily? If your mother hadn’t arrived at this time, what could you have done to me?”_

_“But, but…I love you! And you love me too, right? We…we had bad times before but we always got over this! We can do it! I know it will take time for you to forgive me and I’m ready to wait. Take all the time you need and I will do everything you want…as long as I can stay by your side. Please…I’ll be waiting…”_

_“Zell…I can’t. I love you. I really do, but I can’t trust you anymore. What would happen the next time? At this rhythm, one day, you will kill me…and I don’t want to have to watch my back all the time in the case of you would lose control again…I can’t.”_

_“Please…don’t leave me. I’ll be nice, I promise. I love you…I love you so much…I’m begging you. Just another chance. Give me a last chance, please…” begged Zell, crying._

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“Please…”_

_Seifer moved away from him and opened the door to show him the way. “Class will start in ten minutes. You should leave now.”_

_Zell was crying a river. He looked at his ex-boyfriend with sadness and pain. He just wanted to be forgiven…but Seifer was categorical. He had no intention to give them another chance…so Zell became furious. He walked toward the door, with a look of hatred._

_“You think you’re that great, Almasy? I don’t give a shit about you!”_

_Seifer didn’t reply. He knew Zell was still fragile emotionally so it was a reflex to hide his pain hurting him back._

_“You…arrogant prick! You didn’t dump me, I threw you away! Fuck you!” Then, Zell left, hitting Seifer’s shoulder on his way._

_The tall blonde closed the door behind him and hid his face in his hands. It had to be done._

_Zell went back to his dorm and skipped class. He cried all the day, thinking about the moments he shared with Seifer. He couldn’t believe it was over between them. After three years, it was over…Seifer broke his heart and he would never forgive him for this._

 

Seifer didn’t waste more time to think about this. If he was right, he had to leave this place as fast as he could and it was exactly what he did.


	5. Unstoppable madness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really sad chapter....

When Zell woke up, Quistis was by his side.

“Zell? How are you feeling?”

“Quis..where..where am I?”

“Esthar Hospital. It’s ok. You’re safe now.”

“Ell..Ellone?”

Quistis looked away sadly. She found the strength to face him again, and caressed his cheek to comfort him. “You did your best, Zell…”

“No…It’s my fault..i failed protecting her..”

“Oh no, Zell. Please. It’s not your fault. Don’t say that.”

Quistis wipped Zell’s tears with her fingers and kissed his forehead.

“Quis…”

“Don’t cry. Nobody could know. You did your best…and I’m relieved you’re still alive. I don’t know what I would have done if…”

“Thanks for your support. It means a lot to me.” Zell looked around him and saw nobody. “Squall probably hates me now…”

“It’s really hard for him. Don’t be mad please…”

“I’m not mad at him but only against myself. If I were at his place, I would hate me too. I deserve it.”

“No, don’t say that. Just be patient, please. Squall is devastated, as all of us. He needs more time to accept it. But nobody blames you.”

“You should…”

“Zell…”

“Please…can you leave? I wanna be alone for a moment.”

“Of course. Call me if you need anything.”

“Thanks for everything, Quistis.”

“You’re welcome.” She kissed Zell’s cheek motherly a last time before leaving. “I’ll be there for you, so please…”

“I know.”

She moved away and closed the door behind her. Zell fixed the ceiling sadly and remembered what he did. He maybe could lie to his friends, but he couldn’t lie to himself. Ellone was innocent…and he took his life selfishly.

“I’m sorry, Ellone. There’s no word for what I did to you…Forgive me.”

 

* * *

 

Squall stayed alone in a room at Esthar Palace. He had no desire to talk or to see anyone. Ellone was dead. His beloved sister was gone and he couldn’t do anything. She survived to Ultimecia, to Adel, to Odine’s experiences…to die like this. It was inacceptable.

Someone knocked at his door, but he even didn’t answer.

“Squall?” asked a familiar voice. Rinoa came in slowly.

“……”

“Is there something that I can do for you?”

“Yes. Leave me alone.” Replied coldly Squall, still on his back.

Rinoa sighted but didn’t leave. “You shouldn’t stay alone in these circumstances…”

“Then, don’t ask me what you can do for me if you don’t have any intention to respect my requests!”

“I’m just worried for you…”

Squall regretted to have lost his temper against Rinoa and came closer to apologize. “Sorry…I didn’t want to be mean.”

“It’s ok. I understand what you can feel right now. It reminds me when my mother died…so I know it’s hard.”

“Ellone was harmless. She was a threat for nobody…”

“I know, Squall.”

“I should have never let her alone…”

“She wasn’t alone. Quistis and Zell were there.”

“They were just fucking useless to protect her!” said with anger Squall.

“Squall…don’t be so rude. Zell has been hurt pretty bad…”

“But he’s still alive and he will live! And as if it wasn’t enough, he let the murderer escape!!”

“He did his best…”

“It wasn’t enough! Ellone is dead!!” Squall cracked again and began to cry. “What did I think asking Zell? If it had been Irvine, he would have saved her…”

“Wh..why do you think that? Zell is a good fighter…”

“He fights without any weapons. That’s why he’s so weak! I can’t believe I’ve been that stupid to ask him…”

“Squall…it’s really unfair for Zell.”

“That’s what I think. I knew what I was doing when I never gave him more responsibilities in the past. He’s not fit for this and look what happened when I trusted him…My sister died.”

“Zell is really feeling guilty for what happened to Ellone. Quistis too. Please, try to understand…”

“I don’t give a damn fuck about what they are feeling. They failed so I hope they’re feeling bad!” Squall had enough to talk and walked toward the door. “I’m leaving. I need some fresh air.”

He slammed the door behind him, letting Rinoa alone.

“Squall…you’re really rude.”

 

* * *

 

At the hospital, people were really busy. Several people had been hurt or killed in the bombing in Esthar, at Odine’s laboratory, so the main hospital had to deal with it. Besides, there were a lot of reporters who were asking information all the time. The security grew up around the strategic places in the city, as the commercial center, the presidential palace or the air station. But it wasn’t enough to calm the atmosphere in the town. People were scared and renounced to go out. The commercial center was deserted and the shops began to worry, wondering when the calm would come back. It wasn’t good for business. Besides, with the attacks, the tourists renounced to visit the city and cancelled their stay in Esthar.

Zell’s mother went immediately to Esthar with the train, when she heard about what happened to her son. She stayed at the hospital with Quistis all the day. Sometimes, Irvine, Selphie, Rinoa or Matron went to visit him. But after three days, if everyone came to see him, Squall didn’t.

At the secretariat.

“Esthar Hospital, can I help you?” asked a secretary on the phone.

_“Hum…Hello. I’m..I’d like to have some information about Zell Dincht’s state. I heard in the news he has been hurt..so…”_

“If you are a reporter, I suggest you to contact the information service of the presidential palace. We give them our report concerning the victims of the recent attacks every day and…”

_“I’m not a reporter but…an old acquaintance of Zell Dincht. Can’t you just tell me how is he please?”_

“Oh, in this case, I can transfer the call to his room. There’s always someone with him. Just wait a minute please.” The secretary hung up the phone and transferred the call without waiting an answer from the person at the other side of the line.

 _“Wait…”_ But it was already too late.

After few seconds, someone picked the phone. “Hello?”

_“…….”_

“Hello? Is there anybody there?” repeated the familiar voice, but the other person remained quiet, uncertain to know what to do.

“Hello?”

_“Miss Dincht? If you recognize my voice, don’t say my name out loud please.”_

The woman stayed silent. Of course she recognized the voice.

_“You recognize me, don’t you?”_

“Yes. I’m just surprised you called…”

_“Actually, I called the secretariat but they transferred the call directly to you so…”_

“I see.”

_“Are you alone with him?”_

“No.”

_“Ah…someone from the Garden?”_

“Yes.”

_“Rinoa? Selphie?”_

“No.”

_“Irvine? Edea?”_

“No.”

_“Squall?”_

She sighted sadly. “Regrettably no.”

_“So…Quistis?”_

“Yes.”

_“Is she listening to you?”_

“Yes.”

_“Ok…don’t tell her it’s me, please.”_

“As you wish.”

_“Thank you. So…how is he?”_

“Physically fine. They removed the bullets on his arm and on his stomach. He lost a lot of blood but he’ll pull through.”

_“And…mentally?”_

“Not really good. Squall blames him for what happened to Ellone, so…”

_“I see. Is he awake?”_

“No. he’s sleeping right now. They gave him some morphine. He wasn’t feeling really good lately.”

_“Ok…well, I’m relieved to know he’s safe. Thanks for answering me and take care of him.”_

“Wait…”

_“What is it?”_

“If you went to the effort to call, that means you still care about him, right?”

_“Is it a rhetorical question or a real one?”_

“A real one. Do you?”

_“Of course I care about him. I can’t erase three years of my life snapping my fingers…”_

“I thought it was what you did…”

_“If you talk about the war, there’re a lot things you don’t know about me. I’ve never aimed Zell during our fights and…believe me, I’m not the bad guy in this story.”_

“I don’t understand you…”

_“It doesn’t matter. Forget it. Don’t tell him or to anybody that I called, please.”_

“Ok. Thanks for calling.”

_“Goodbye Miss Dincht.”_

She laughed. “There was time when you called me Sara.”

_“Long time ago…”_

“Looks like yesterday for me…”

_“Old good times.”_

“Yeah…will I see you again one day?”

_“I don’t think so. You should know that I’m not very welcome to Balamb.”_

“So, can I visit you? Where are you?”

_“It’s better if you don’t know. Just stay to Zell’s side.”_

“As you wish. But please, give me some news about you. You can call me whenever you want.”

_“I’ll remember it. Thank you. Bye.”_

“Bye.”

 

The call ended. Quistis looked at Miss Dincht with curiosity. She had heard the entire conversation and wondered who it could have been.

“Miss Dincht? Who was it?”

 “Oh…a distant relative of mine.”

“Ah?”

“Yes. He asked me about Zell. There’s a long time that I haven’t got news about him…”

“I see but why doesn’t he come to visit Zell?”

“Zell and he aren’t in good terms so…”

“Why?”

“It’s an old story…I’m glad he called to have some news about Zell. He’s not a bad man…”

“Looks like you miss him.”

“Yes. He used to be very close to Zell, but it doesn’t matter anymore. Let’s forget it. It recalls me bad memories…”

“Sorry for my curiosity. I didn’t want to embarrass you. It’s just that I didn’t know Zell had other relatives than you…”

“Never mind. But thanks to be there, Quistis. It’s important for Zell to see his friends around him…even if I would have wanted to see Squall here too…but I guess it’s too hard for him right now. His sister was so young…”

“Yes. But knowing Squall, I don’t think he would ever forgive us for what happened to Ellone.”

“I hope you’re wrong, because Zell would never recover if he can’t have Squall’s forgiveness…”

 

* * *

 

Few days later.

Laguna and Squall decided to burry Ellone near of Raine, at Winhill. After all, it was where she came from to begin with. To not make the things worse, Rinoa had asked to Zell and Quistis to not be there during the funerals. They felt hurt, but they understood it was better this way. Squall was still furious against them and they didn’t want to argue with him. Not this day.

Zell had finally left this hospital. He was feeling better. Quistis and his mother stayed with him all the time. But even if they couldn’t be at Ellone’s funerals, they wanted to be there, so they decided to come but stayed away, to not draw Squall’s attention. They followed the ceremony, in the little cemetery, far away enough to not be seen.

“I feel like a pariah…I can understand Squall’s anger but it’s unfair. We loved Ellone as much as he did…” said Quistis sadly.

“He has reasons to hate me but I agree with you, it’s unfair for you.” Replied Zell.

“Zell…you did your best to protect her, so don’t think that way. It’s also unfair for you, if it’s not even more.”

“Quistis is right, darling.” Added Miss Dincht.

“Thanks…but it doesn’t change anything.”

Everyone kept silent, looking at the funerals from their spots. Zell looked away and noticed a shadow behind a tree. He looked discreetly, understanding that the person behind the tree hid when she noticed Zell was looking in this direction. The tattooed man wondered why this person hid and started to think about the identity of this stranger, when he had an intuition. If this person didn’t want to be seen, it meant he or she was someone that Zell knew…and since all of his friends were already there, it couldn’t be anyone else than a certain person. Zell smirked mentally.

“ _Try to prove anything now…”_ he thought silently.

 

 

Everyone went back to the Garden. Squall still avoided Quistis and Zell. He refused to be in the same room with them or to hear somebody talking about them. He couldn’t forgive them. But the situation was complicated. Everyone was living in the same place together, so they couldn’t avoid each other eternally. Besides, they were working together, so one day or another, they would meet.

Selphie, Irvine, Rinoa, Quistis and Zell were having their breakfast in the cafeteria, when Squall arrived. From his position, he saw them and changed his mind, walking away. Rinoa sighted.

“I’m gonna join him. See you later, guys.” She said without enthusiasm.

But the situation got on Quistis’ nerves and she went after him.

“Quistis?” called Rinoa.

But the blonde didn’t listen to her. She was walking toward Squall’s office with an exasperated expression. The rest of the group understood they better followed her to prevent a hypothetic fight.

She pushed Squall’s door and came in without knocking first. “Are you done?”

Squall glared at her and even didn’t reply. His silence was enough to express his feelings. Rinoa arrived quickly and tried to drag Quistis away gently, but she pushed her away.

“I repeat my question: are you done with your childish attitude?”

“Get out.”

“Do you think you’re the only one who is suffering? Ellone was also my sister! She was OUR sister! Our pain is equal to yours so stop acting like the victim here!!”

“IF YOU LOVED HER THAT MUCH, WHY DIDN’T YOU PREVENT WHAT HAPPENED? WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU WITH THE HYPERACTIVE ONE??” screamed Squall.

“Zell did his best and I couldn’t guess what would happen. Don’t you think I wouldn’t have done everything to save her??”

“WHO CARES TO KNOW IF HE DID HIS BEST OR NOT? ELLONE IS FUCKING DEAD AND IT’S ENTIRELY HIS FAULT!”

“IT’S NOBODY'S FAULT! ZELL AND I ARE FEELING GUILTY ENOUGH! WE DON’T NEED YOUR HATRED IN ADDITION OF THAT!”

“HE’S FUCKING WORTHLESS! WHAT CAN I DO WITH HIM IF HE IS INCAPABLE TO DO A SIMPLE TASK AS PROTECTING PEOPLE?”

“THAT’S IT!!” Quistis lost her temper and slapped Squall’s face furiously. “DON’T YOU DARE TALKING ABOUT HIM THIS WAY!” she was about to hit him again when Zell grabbed her hand.

“Zell?”

“Stop it, Quistis.”

“But…”

“Thanks for defending me…but he’s right. I’m worthless. If I can’t protect people or defeat my opponents, I’m no longer useful for the Garden.”

“Zell, don’t say that!” exclaimed Selphie.

“I don’t want to be a burden for you, guys. So, I think it’s better if I leave.”

“No way! You don’t have to leave because of him!” protested Quistis.

Zell smiled at Quistis and held her hand. “I’m not doing it only for Squall, Quis. I need to be alone and to be far away from the Garden…at least, for a while.”

“But…”

“Don’t worry for me, I’m alright. It’s better for everyone if I’m not around for few days…I’ll come back later.”

“Zell, it’s not good to let you alone in these circumstances…” worried Quistis.

“I know what I’m doing, Quis. I promise I won’t do something stupid.”

“Promised?”

“Promised.” Zell gave a last glance to Squall and walked away; he waved at everyone and left the office.

Quistis stared at Squall with hatred. “I hope you’re proud of you, Commander? Ellone would be ashamed of you.”

“Get out, fucking bitch!” spat Squall at Quistis’ feet.

She ignored him and left the room few seconds after Zell. After all, Zell was right. It was better to leave the Garden in these circumstances, for few days. She couldn’t support the atmosphere anymore and she decided to do the same thing.

 

She walked toward the elevator, joining Zell.

“Thanks to have defended me, Quistis.” He said shyly.

“I said what I thought. I hate Squall when he’s like this.”

“I can’t blame him for this…”

“Of course you can! It’s not your fault if Ellone died! You didn’t kill her for God sake!”

Hearing these words were enough for Zell to make him sick. He recalled what he did but tried to erase this memory.

“Zell? Are you ok? You look pale…”

“I’m fine! I’m fine…just a bit tired. I’m gonna prepare my bag to leave for Balamb.”

“Me too. I don’t wanna stay here. I don’t know where I’m gonna go but I need few days far away from here.”

“Good. I will stay tonight at Balamb and I think I’m gonna leave too. Call me if you need anything, ok?”

“Sure. Same for you, ok?”

“Of course. Thanks again.”

“You’re welcome.”

 

 

The two friends left at the end of the morning for Balamb. They walked together toward the town and Zell even invited Quistis for the dinner and to sleep in his home with his mother. The next day, he bought a train ticket and left Balamb. Quistis left two days later for Fisherman’s Horizon. There was someone that she wanted to see.

 

* * *

 

When she arrived in the town, Quistis went to the hostel and took a room. After a short nap, she went to the port and looked for Seifer’s boat. She waited the return of the boats and fishermen during the rest of the day but saw no one, so she decided to ask to the men she met.

“Excuse me, but have you seen a tall man with blonde hair and green eyes recently? He has a scar on the face, between the eyes.”

“Ah, you mean Seifer?” replied one of the men.

“You know Seifer?”

“Yes. But he left the city my lady.”

“Really? When has he left?”

“Dunno…maybe two or three weeks ago. Maybe a month. Can’t remember…”

“Oh…I see. Do you know where he went?”

“Don’t have any idea…I just remember he left really quickly. It’s so bad ‘cause he was doin’ a great job…”

“What did he do?”

“Sea rescuer. When we had a problem or an accident with our boat on the sea, we called him and he joined us to help. He also repaired our machines and all when we came back to the port.”

“Yeah. It was pretty nice to work with him. He was working hard…now we’ve got no one to help us.”

“But why did he leave so suddenly?” asked Quistis.

“Dunno but he looked really nervous…”

“Nervous?”

“Yeah. He was in hurry to leave and…I don’t know. He was stressed…maybe he needed money? Who knows?”

“So, nobody knows where he could have gone?”

“Sorry my lady.”

“Thanks for your help, gentlemen.” Quistis waved at them and went back to her hostel.

She thought about Seifer all the night. She didn’t know why she wanted to see him so bad. Maybe to inform him about Ellone’s death? But it wasn’t like he couldn’t know. The entire world talked about this and she thought that even if they were in bad terms since the end of the war, Seifer still cared about them…

“Where have you been Seifer?”

 

* * *

 

Actually, Seifer left Fisherman’s Horizon for Winhill. It was the last city where he wasn’t famous to have been the sorceress’ knight. It wasn’t like he could go back to Deling city, Timber, Esthar or Balamb. He already went to Dollet but he didn’t find any job there, so he ended in Winhill. It was a nice town. People weren’t really friendly but he didn’t care. He just wanted to have a job and to stay alone. His relationships ended pretty bad in the past: Zell, Quistis, Rinoa…without talking about the other ones. Even with Fujin it didn’t work. He had enough and wanted to be alone, far away from everything.

At the beginning, when he heard a bomb destroyed Odine’s laboratory, he immediately thought about Zell. It confirmed his doubts when he discovered that Ellone had been murdered…but now, he didn’t know what to think anymore. Zell had been hurt too so it couldn’t be him. On the other side, Seifer knew Zell better than anyone and he knew what he was capable to do.

He had arrived at Winhill about one month ago. He was working in a little farm and was living in a little house, near of the hotel. The mayor accepted to let him live here since the old house was abandoned. The old woman who used to live here died about one year ago, so, it was a good thing that Seifer arrived. This way, he could repair what was broken.

 

It was the end of the day. Seifer came back to his home. He was exhausted and just wanted to have some rest in his sofa. He opened the door with his key and threw his jacket on the first chair, walking toward the kitchen, when a voice called him.

“Hi Baby.”

He jumped, caught by the surprise and looked at the person who just called him. “Wh..What are you doing here?”

“Missed me?”

“Absolutely not! How did you get in here?”

Zell was sat on a chair, in the living room. He was drinking a glass of water. He couldn’t help to smile sadistically seeing Seifer’s reaction. “It was you at Ellone’s funerals, am I wrong?”

“I don’t know how you got in here and I don’t give a shit. Get out.”

“Are you gonna throw me away in the middle of the night?” he asked with a false innocent expression.

“GET OUT!”

“Oh…please Baby, don’t shout at me…you know it’s bad to yell at unstable people like me.”

Seifer had enough and walked toward him. “I swear you’re gonna leave this place, like it or not, even if I have to drag you by your fucking stupid hair cut…” cursed the tall blonde approaching dangerously, when Zell aimed him with a gun. Seifer froze literally, surprised.

“Really? I’d like to see you try.”

“What are you doing with this gun?”

“You know, being a martial artist is a good thing but sometimes, your fists aren’t enough to make people listen to you. Some people are just too stubborn.” He got up and made a sign to Seifer to move back.

Seifer obeyed and moved back until he reached his sofa. Zell made him understand to sit and he did it, still fixing the tattooed man in the eyes. 

Zell dragged his chair with him and sat in front of Seifer, without never stop pointing his gun on him.

“My, my, my…Seifer. You’re so naïve as always. Did you really think that you could escape from me? You can go wherever you want, I would always find you.”

Seifer looked skeptical. He wondered if Zell was bluffing. Maybe the gun was empty? He looked around him and noticed Hyperion on the table. Zell understood quickly what he thought and shot on the sofa, near of Seifer’s right leg to make him understand he was serious. The tall blonde moved back to avoid the bullet but kept his calm.

“I know it’s a small town so I took a silencer with me. This way, nobody would hear us…”

“Did you come here to kill me? Is that what you want?”

“What I want? You wonder what I want?” asked Zell, laughing. “I just wanted to love you!”

“You had a strange way to show it.”

“Who’s to blame? Everything happened because of you!!” Zell was cursing and blaming Seifer again and again. “I almost forgot you. I turned the page and I was happy at the Garden…and you came back in my life, again!”

“Our reunion at Shumi village was just a coincidence. I didn’t chase after you.”

“What does it change? Now, I’m thinking about you every fucking single day! Every single thing that I’ve tried desperately to forget about you came back to my mind!!”

“That’s your problem. Not mine.”

Zell threw his chair away and moved closer dangerously. “No…that’s also your problem now.”

“It’s over between us. What you do or think isn’t my problem anymore.”

“Oh yes it is because it’s your fault.”

“What is my fault? If people knew your true nature, they would understand you’re the real sorceress’ knight…if someone has something on his mind, it’s definitely you, not me.”

“Yeah! I’ve something on my mind! All of this happened because of you! You made me do things that I never thought I could do and it’s your entire fault!”

“No one forced you to betray your own friends. You just wanted to take your revenge against me for something that I even don’t know…”

“You perfectly know why!”

“Tell me since you’re so brilliant!”

“You used me! I was just a fuck-buddy for you! You never loved me!!”

“Here we go again! How many times are you gonna say that again? It was a long time ago! It’s over since years between us! Why do you care?”

“I always loved you!! And what did you do? You just abused of my innocence! You played the nice boy-friend in front of Ma but behind my back, girls were knocking down your door and you were more than open to welcome them!”

“You’re insane.”

Zell didn’t support this word and jumped on the top of Seifer, pointing the gun on his left cheek. He was pulling out his hair with force.

“DON’T YOU EVER SAY THAT AGAIN!”

Seifer understood that he better not make him angry if he wanted to stay alive. “Sorry. It wasn’t what I meant.”

“I prefer that.” Zell found his calm again and caressed Seifer’s cheek with the gun. With his other hand, he was touching his chest through his shirt. Seifer was particularly uncomfortable but didn’t protest. He was just trying to get more time, to put Zell at ease. At the first occasion, he would jump on him and would take his gun.

“Why do you need to hurt me that way, Seifer? I could have done anything for you…and look what you made me do…”

“What do you mean?” wondered Seifer, worried.

“All of this…it wasn’t necessary. I even didn’t think about it, but it’s your fault. You feared me and…I didn’t have any other choice. I’ve got blood on my hands now…so there’s no way I would carry this responsibility alone.”

Blood on the hands, responsibility…Seifer repeated these words again and again in his head when he started slowly to make the link with recent events.

“Zell…did you have anything to do with…what happened in Esthar recently?”

The blonde got up, still facing Seifer. He lost his smile and the other man could notice the sudden change of his expression.

“Oh God…Zell, don’t tell me...you put this bomb in Odine’s laboratory?”

“I even didn’t think about it until you mentioned it. After that, it obsessed me. I didn’t have any other choice.”

“But…people died because of you! How could you…”

“No! They died because OF YOU! If you hadn’t said that to me, I wouldn’t have done that! This is your fault!!” roared Zell to Seifer’s face.

The scarred blonde understood quickly his first impression was the good one when he thought about Zell as the responsible of the events in Esthar. Then, something else came to his mind.

“D..Did you kill Ellone too?”

“…….”

“No. No, no…don’t tell me you did that. Please..tell me it wasn’t you…” said Seifer, panicked.

“You get it now? Look what you made me do. You made me kill a precious friend of mine. A childhood friend…she was like my sister!!”

Seifer took the opportunity Zell just turned his back on him and ran toward Hyperion but the other blonde saw him and shot again, touching the basket of fruits. Seifer stopped in the middle of his way and froze.

“Go back to your place or the next time, I will shoot you between the eyes. It would be a shame to disfigure your lovely face…Squall already started with the scar…”

Seifer obeyed and went back to the sofa. “Zell…you have to stop this. It went too far…”

“Again, who’s to blame?”

“I had no intention to denounce you since the beginning. It was just a manner to make you stay away from me. I swear I’ve never thought even for a second to talk about…”

Zell sat on his tights and cut him the middle of his sentence, passing the gun on his lips. “What is done is done now. I’m sorry for Ellone and for these people…but if it’s the price to keep you by my side, I don’t care.”

“…….”

“You know…I miss you. Your body, your scent, your gentleness…I miss every part of you.” Whispered Zell, kissing Seifer on the neck. He continued to threaten him with his gun. “I’ve done bad things to you to take my revenge, so let’s say we are even. I forgive you…”

“You…you want to make it up with me?”

“You don’t want to?” demanded Zell, pointing his gun on Seifer’s chest.

“No…on the contrary. It’s..what I want the most. But I thought you hated me after the war and…”

“I did hate you, but I just can’t get enough of you…I can’t forget you. You’re the only one who can make my heart beating so fast. Let’s give us another chance.”

“What about the Garden? You know I can’t come back there…”

“Fuck the Garden. I will leave with you, wherever you want. We’ll be reunited together. Just the two of us, as before.”

“Yes…just the two of us.” Seifer kissed Zell, hoping to calm him down. “Why…why don’t you put this gun away?”

“I’d like to. But looks like I still need it. I can’t trust you yet…”

“I realize now how far you’re willing to go for me. I’m sorry to not have seen that sooner, Baby…”

“What about you?”

Seifer put his hand on Zell’s hips and locked his eyes on him, smiling gently. “If I can get you back with me, I would do anything…but no more quarrel, no more accusation, please. I say it again: I’ve never cheated on you. I shouldn’t have dumped you this way, it’s true, and believe me, I regretted it every single day. But after what happened this night, you scared me…”

“I know. When I saw Fujin kissing you, I became crazy…”

“She meant nothing to me…as the other ones after you. Quistis, Rinoa…no one could replace you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. But I promise that while we were going out, there never has been anyone else than you.”

“Never?”

“Never. I promise.”

Zell seemed to be relieved. “If you said the truth, I’ve been horrible with you for nothing…”

“I’ve dumped you, so I’m no angel.”

“But…you were faithful to me…”

“Never mind. All of this belongs to the past. Let’s forget it, ok?”

“Yes! You don’t know how many times I wished to hear these words from you…” Zell let the joy invading his heart and kissed Seifer passionately.

It was just a game for Seifer. His aim was to keep Zell calm enough to steal his gun, but for this, he had to do exactly what he expected from him. The truth was that he was terrorized by Zell’s madness. He even killed the poor Ellone jut to protect himself from something that Seifer would have never said…

“How is your injury?”

“What injury?”

“I heard you have been shot in the arm and in the stomach. I called the hospital to have some news about you…”

“You called the hospital? Really?”

“Yeah. It was your mother who took my call.”

“But why did she say nothing?”

“I asked her to not say a word to anyone.”

“Oh…so you were worried for me?”

“Of course I was worried. So, how are you?”

“I’m fine. I missed my vital organs so it was just a simple wound. But I lost a lot of blood.”

“Wait…do you mean that you shot yourself?”

Zell looked down. “When I killed Ellone, I needed to be beyond suspicion, so yes. I shot myself.”

Seifer swallowed his fear hard. “ _He’s even crazier than I thought…”_ he thought silently. _“_ You could have died…you took too many risks…”

“It was worth since we’re back together.”

“Yes, but don’t do unnecessary things like this anymore…please.”

“Sure.” Zell stared at Seifer with happiness. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

 

They kissed again and Seifer noticed Zell let his guard down, so he took the opportunity and pushed him away violently. The gun fell on the floor and rolled under the table. Seifer ran to catch it, but Zell tripped him, making fall on his stomach. He jumped on the top of him and the two of them began to fight. Unfortunately for Seifer, hands to hands combat wasn’t his best skill and Zell didn’t take a lot of time to one-up him. He managed at least to hit Zell pretty bad, but what he didn’t know was that Zell had other weapons hidden. Zell grabbed a knife in his shoe and attacked Seifer with it while the other man was trying to crawl toward the table for the gun. The knife hit a first time his back. He tried to protect himself from other attacks but Zell was stronger than him and stabbed him several times in the chest. After few minutes, Zell stopped. His hands were covered with Seifer’s blood. The poor blonde was agonizing slowly, but despite his injuries, he tried to crawl again. The blood was now covering the floor.

Zell got up and looked at him crawling desperately toward the gun. “You’re pitiful, Seifer.”

“Y..yo..u..aa..re..c..ra..z..y..”

The tattooed man walked toward the table and grabbed the gun. “Is it what you’re looking for?”

“a..h..aa..y..ou..m..ons..ter..” whispered Seifer with difficulties. He knew he was about to die soon.

Zell kicked his stomach and made him roll on his back. He sat on Seifer’s stomach and put the gun on his head. “You’re an idiot. You could have prevented you this…but it seems that I was right about you since the beginning…”

“F..fu..”

“Yes Baby?”

“F..fu..ck y..ou..”

This insult provoked Zell’s rage and he finished him by a shot in the head. The blood gushed on the floor and even on Zell’s face. A part of his skull broke with the impact of the bullet.

The vision made Zell puke. He couldn’t help it and vomited on the floor, still on the top of Seifer’s dead body. He took several minutes to understand what really happened. He got up and went to the bathroom. He looked at his face in the mirror. Blood…Seifer’s blood all over him.

He stripped and took a shower. He needed to wash his body, to erase Seifer’s blood on his skin. He even didn’t wait to have a good temperature for the water. He needed to be clean. The cold water became red quickly. But even if he was clean physically, he was still dirty inside. He did it. He killed again. He killed the person he loved…without mercy. He risked nothing anymore…but on the other side, he also killed his first and only love.

After one hour to think about what he just did, Zell came back to the living room. Seifer’s dead body was still on the floor. He opened the cupboard and grabbed a large sheet. He deposed it on the floor and enrolled Seifer’s body with it. He searched in the whole house something to maintain the sheet tied and found a large roll of tape. He used it and when he finally finished covering Seifer with the sheet, he carried him to the car, parked behind the house. Fortunately for him, it was really late in the night and the house was a bit far away from the rest of the village and the hotel. He went back inside after have deposed Seifer’s body and began to clean the blood on the floor. He passed several hours to erase every trace of his passage, even his print feet. When he ended to do this terrible job, he returned to the car and went to the cemetery. It was almost 3:00 a.m and the place was deserted. In the dark, nobody could see him. Everyone was sleeping at this hour, so he knew he risked nothing. He took the time to check there was nobody and entered in the cemetery. He looked for a simple grave, without heavy tombstone and found one: Lucy Hart. Apparently, the woman died recently and they didn’t have the time to put the tombstone yet. There was just a little plate with her name, her birth and death date. She died about three days ago, so the tombstone wasn’t probably ready yet. It was the perfect place for Zell who didn’t waste more time and dug a hole to reach her coffin. After two hours, he finally reached it and opened it. The body just started the decomposition process. Zell had to turn his head away because of the horrible smell and the disgusting view. But again, fortunately for him, it was an old and thin woman. Her coffin was a bit too large for her. He went back to the car and grabbed Seifer’s body. He carried him before throwing him in the coffin. He put down the sheet just enough to see his face a last time. His lips were blue. His face was pale and covered with blood. Seeing him this way, Zell couldn’t help to cry, remembering what he did to his beloved lover and kissed him a last time.

“Why didn’t you understand? I loved you so much…” he murmured to his lover, before deposing his body in the coffin against the old woman. He closed the large box and sealed the hole again. It was almost 6:00 a.m, when he finished. The sun started to rise, so Zell didn’t waste any second and left the village with the car. He didn’t look back. He would never come back to Winhill after that. This place was where he committed the irreversible…and where Ellone and Seifer rested.


	6. the downward spiral

Two weeks later.

Zell came back to Balamb but stayed at home with his Ma. Facing Squall was still something impossible for him. He knew Quistis was back to work because she called him often. He always pretended that he was ok and he needed more time. In front of his mother, he said the same thing. But deep inside, he was completely down.

He passed most of his days outside, drinking at the bar. He just came back to home to sleep. But sometimes, he even didn’t come back. Zell started to have affairs with people. Strangers, prostitutes, seeds…he had sex with anyone who wanted. Sometimes, he did it with several people at the same time. People in the town started to talk about this and his mother heard the gossips. She wasn’t blind or deaf. She didn’t need to hear people’s gossips to understand it by herself. Zell came back every night with a different scent. She even noticed some hickeys on his neck. But even if she tried to talk to him, he refused to speak, saying he was ok.

 

One night.

Zell came back to home. He was visibly drunk. His mother, who stayed awake to wait for him, was in the living room, when she heard him coming.

“Zell?”

“Yeah…I’m..goin..g to bed..” he was about to go to his room, when his mother went on his way, stopping him.

“You drank again…”

“Yes. So you..will unde.rstan..d that..i nee..d to slee..p.”

“Zell…you have to stop this. Please, I’m begging you.”

“We’ll..talk.tomorrow…please..”

“No. Tomorrow, you will pretend everything is alright as always and you will run away.”

 “Not..tonight..”

“No! I refuse to…”

“I SAID NOT TONIGHT!!!”Yelled Zell throwing everything he found on the table, in front him.

His mother moved back, terrorized by his violence. She had never seen Zell so furious and aggressive, especially toward her. She stayed frozen and let him leave for his bedroom. Her son passed near of her and disappeared in his room, slamming the door behind him.

The poor woman was shaking. She tried to calm down, sitting and breathing heavily but nothing worked.

“Oh Zell…what happened to you?” she wondered, crying.

The little blonde reached his bedroom with difficulties and collapsed on his bed. He tried to stay awake; he couldn’t support to sleep because each time he closed his eyes, he saw Seifer’s face…covered of blood. But he was too exhausted to fight.

_“Hey.”_

_“H..Hi…”_

_“Do you have plans tonight?”_

_“Huh?”_

_“Are you deaf or something? I’m asking you if you have plans tonight?”_

_“No..no. I’m free.”_

_“Wanna go to Balamb for a drink with me?”_

_“M..me?”_

_“Who else, silly? Do you see someone else around?”_

_“Sorry…I’m just surprised…”_

_“About what?”_

_“About…your invitation…”_

_“Do you think I didn’t notice the way you look at me all the time?”_

_“Wh..what??”_

_The tall teenager pushed the little blonde against the wall, not gently, but not violently either. He locked his eyes on his and touched his cheek slowly._

_“If you don’t want to, say it right now.”_

_“Want what…??”_

_The older teenager rolled his eyes. “Ok. You’re super slow, don’t you?”_

_“I don’t get…” but the kid couldn’t finish his sentence that the other one cut him with a kiss. Surprised by the sudden action, the younger one stayed frozen during some seconds before closing his eyes and enjoying it._

_After few minutes, they broke the kiss._

_“Do you get it now?”_

_“….” The kid was completely red._

_“Your first kiss?”_

_He nodded silently._

_“So, are you coming with me tonight or not?”_

_“Y..yes..”_

_The tall teen smiled, relieved. “Good. I’ll be waiting for you at the entrance at 06:00.”_

_“Ok…”_

_The little blonde touched his lips, still shaking. His first kiss. A quick one for sure but his first one! Now, he was impatient to see Seifer tonight, even if he didn’t know what he was supposed to say or to do._

_At 06:00, Zell joined him at the entrance of the Garden; the other boy was already there, waiting. When he noticed him, he looked relieved to see him there, as if he had feared that Zell would have changed his mind._

_“Ready?”_

_“Yeah…but where..are we goin’?”_

_“In town. Let’s go.”_

_But Zell didn’t move immediately. Seifer stopped and turned around. “What is it?”_

_“Hum…it’s kinda late. We’re goin’ to be in late for the curfew…”_

_“Don’t worry for that.”_

_“??”_

_“I’m the chief of the disciplinary committee, remember?”_

_Zell nodded and followed Seifer in silence, keeping his head down to hide his embarrassment. Even if Seifer was trying to fake, he was also nervous. It wasn’t his first date, but it was the first time he asked to someone, especially a guy. But Zell was cute and he liked him._

_On the road, two monsters attacked them. When Seifer saw Zell preparing to fight, he smiled, seeing that he had no intention to run away and they began to fight._

_“Do you have some ice spells?”_

_“Yes!”_

_“Cast it now! I’m gonna keep them busy!” said Seifer, running to the creatures._

_“Ok!”Zell waited the right time and casted two ice spells, one after another. The creatures died and the two kids looked each other proudly._

_“Good work!”_

_“Thanks…” smiled Zell._

_“Are you hurt?”_

_“No I’m good. Thanks for asking.”_

_“Let’s go.”_

_They continued to walk and arrived twenty minutes later. Zell remembered that his parents weren’t in town today, so he had not problem. Some people recognized him and said hello._

_“My parents live here…” explained Zell to Seifer._

_“I know.”_

_“Ah?”_

_“Yes. I heard you talking with your friends. Where’s your home?”_

_“There. But there’s no one tonight and I forgot my key in my bedroom at the Garden so…”_

_“I just asked for the curiosity.”_

_“Ok…” after some minutes walking, they arrived in the center of the town._

_“Do you like ice cream?”_

_“Yes.”_

_The two kids went to the ice cream shop and chose their flavor. Seifer paid and after a walk in the city, they left for the ocean, in the land. They sat on the sand and fixed the horizon._

_Zell was tense. He wanted to make the first step, especially now Seifer invited him, but he didn’t know how to do it. He moved closer slowly. On the other side, Seifer was in the same situation. He also approached slowly and their fingers touched. Nobody took his hand away, still uncomfortable. After five minutes of hesitation, Seifer finally took the initiative and turned his head to lock his eyes in Zell’s ones. Then, in a single move, he pressed his lips against Zell’s mouth. The kid would feel that the other boy wasn’t at ease but he didn’t stop him. After few seconds, the two of them closed their eyes slowly and felt enough comfortable to take each other hand.  Seifer put his hand on Zell’s hair and brushed it lightly still kissing him. It was surprising to see Seifer so gentle. Usually, people feared him but he was a different person with Zell. After a long moment, they broke the kiss but kept fixing each other in the eyes._

_“So…are we dating?” asked stupidly Zell._

_“I knew you were slow but I didn’t think it was at this point…”_

_“Hey!”_

_Seifer laughed seeing his reaction._

_“I’m not slow!”_

_“Yes you are!”_

_“You’re the weird one here! Usually, you bully everyone and now you’re super nice with me!”_

_“I’m like this just with you.”_

_“Really? Not even with your two friends?”_

_“You mean Raijin and Fujin?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Not even with them…” Seifer moved back without breaking the eye-contact.”But you ruined everything.”_

_“Wh..at??”_

_“I gave you everything but you killed me.”_

_“???”_

_“YOU KILLED ME!!!”_

 

Zell jumped from his bed. The dream woke him up abruptly the next morning. The memory of his first kiss with Seifer had been ruined with the terrible reality.

“Seifer…” sighted Zell, crying.

 

* * *

 

During the day, Quistis didn’t leave her bedroom. She looked for information in her computer when she finally found what she wanted. She took her cell phone and composed a number. After few seconds someone picked up.

_“Hello?”_

“Raijin?”

_“Yes? Who’s speaking?”_

“It’s Quistis. Long time no see…”

_“Quistis? Quistis Trepe??”_

“Yes. How are you?”

_“Hum…well, I’m fine ya know? Thanks for asking but why do you call me? I’m surprised, ya know?”_

“Yes…hum, actually, I wondered if you had seen Seifer lately?”

_“Seifer? Why?”_

“I met him at Fisherman’s Horizon about few months ago but I don’t know where he went, so I thought maybe you had seen him, did you?”

_“No. I haven’t seen him for a while now ya know? Maybe three years or something like that, ya know? But why do you look for him?”_

“It’s personal. Don’t worry, there’s nothing against him.”

_“I see…well, I can’t help you. Fujin either since she’s with me right now, ya know?”_

“Oh…are you two married?”

_“I wish! No. Fujin isn’t this type of woman, ya know? But we’re dating.”_

“Good for you. You finally caught her!”

“ _Yes_!” After a short silence, Raijin asked again. _“Quistis, tell me. Why are you looking for Seifer? I know you told me it’s personal but…”_

“Let’s say that I have something that I want to resolve with him. I give you my word that there’s nothing to do with the Garden or anything else. It’s just between us.”

_“I believe in you…but as I told you, I don’t know where he went. I just hope he’s alright, ya know? It wasn’t easy for us to leave him, but it wasn’t as before and…”_

“I understand, Raijin. I’m sure Seifer understood it too.”

_“I hope so…maybe we can help you searching him?”_

“No…it’s fine. Just call me if you see him, ok?”

_“No problem!”_

“Thanks. Sorry to have disturbed you and say hello to Fujin.”

_“I will. Bye Quistis.”_

“Bye Raijin.”

When Quistis finished her conversation, she looked even more depressed. She didn’t understand why she felt the need to talk to Seifer, but it was really important for her. Ellone’s death broke everyone, especially Zell and she thought maybe he deserved to know, even if it wasn’t something he could ignore since the entire world talked about it.

“Seifer…where are you?”

 

* * *

 

At the end of the day, Zell went back to the pub to drink, again. He sat at the counter and ordered whisky on whisky, drinking to forget. The bartender tried to stop him saying he drank enough but Zell insisted. After one hour, a man joined him at the counter.

“This is my round.” He said to the bartender who served another drink to Zell and to him.

The martial artist didn’t even thank him for this and just drank his whisky.

“Looks like the person you’re waiting for is not coming…” said the man.

“Waitin’ for no one…”

“Really? That’s good news for me. What’s your name?”

“…”

The man insisted. “I’m James. Nice to meet you.” He held his hand but Zell continued to drink, ignoring him. It didn’t discourage him.

“You know, we could go somewhere else and…”

Zell finished his drink and moved closer to whisper to his ear. “Your home or the hotel?”

“What?” asked the man surprised.

“You wanna fuck and I want something in my ass now, so spare me the seducing time. So?”

The man smiled happy. “You’re pretty direct.”

“Always. Let’s go.”

They paid and they walked in the streets. Zell had some problems to stay focused to not fall but the man was holding his waist. They arrived in front of a door and the guy opened it with his key. They came in.

Zell grabbed James’s belt and took off his pants quickly to blow him.

“Whao! You really want me, don’t you?” joked the man.

“Shut up.” Zell didn’t waste more time and sucked him off.

James wasn’t moving, letting the blonde doing the job. But when he started to be excited, he put his hands on Zell's head and pushed his cock deeper and deeper in his mouth. After a certain time, he wanted more so he made Zell stop and they went to the bedroom. Zell stripped quickly and lay on his stomach, ass the air, waiting. The guys took his time to appreciate the view and took his clothes off slowly. When he tried to prepare Zell’s ass, fingering him, Zell stopped him, pushing his hand away.

“Go ahead. Fuck me.”

“Are you sure? Don’t wanna take your time? You look tight.”

“Don’t be gentle. I like it rough.”

The man nodded and just spat on his hole to get it wet enough to put it in. “As you wish Baby! Be prepared!”

Zell prepared himself for a painful intrusion, biting the pillow hard. Actually, he didn’t particularly like it rough as he pretended, but he needed to have sex right now and he didn’t want to wait any longer. Unconsciously, it was also a way for him to punish himself for what he did to Seifer and Ellone. The pain would erase Seifer’s picture in his head; that was what he thought. He didn’t want anything could remember his ex-lover, so he refused gentleness, preparation or anything else. Just pure and savage sex, that was what he wanted.

“Is it good, Blondie? Is it rough enough for you?” asked the man, pushing his cock harder and deeper in Zell’s ass.

But it wasn’t enough. The blonde wanted more, even if it already hurt pretty bad.

“M..more. Harder…”

“Ok!” The man pulled Zell’s hair out and abused him rougher, savagely. The bed was moving and creaking.

But again, it wasn’t enough. Zell continued to see Seifer’s picture. Even the pain couldn’t erase it.

“More!”

James, visibly pissed to not satisfy his partner despite his efforts, spanked his buttocks still penetrating him violently and pulling his hair. When he noticed it wasn’t enough, he strangled Zell’s throat, blocking his breath.

Now, Zell couldn’t ask more. The pain and the lack of air started to have effect and he became focused on what he was doing instead of thinking. He realized that he already came and he didn’t take pleasure. It was a torment but he couldn’t blame James for that. After all, he asked for this.

“I’m gonna shoot in your ass.” Warned the man. He did it faster until he reached the orgasm. Zell could feel the warm liquid gushing inside of him. James, exhausted, gave a last penetration, spanking his ass before put it out and lie on his back.

Zell, who just finished this painful session of hard sex, fell asleep with the alcohol and the tiredness.

The next day, he woke up before James. His hips and ass hurt like hell. It was impossible to move without arching but he didn’t want to have to talk with his night lover so he grabbed his clothes and dressed quickly swallowing the pain, before leaving. No phone number, no name, nothing. This man would remain a stranger for Zell, as the other ones. He wasn’t his first and he wouldn’t be the last one.  To appease the pain, he used a cure spell on him but it didn’t really work. He tried to reach his house but thinking about his mother waiting for him made him change his mind. Time had come to go back to the Garden.

He understood quickly that he wasn’t in condition to walk so he rented a car and left the city. He didn’t immediately return to the garden and took a time. He parked the car in front of the ocean and fixed the sea with a sad expression. He remembered that Seifer loved the sea. They used to come often here when they went in town. During the summer, they liked to swing together. Zell even remember the day when late in the night, they had taken a midnight bath in the ocean and they ended to make love on the sand. Even the monsters had left them alone this night. Zell could remember how much it was good at this time to be loved and to be cherished. But these sweet memories were always erased by the present. A present where Seifer was gone forever…killed by his own hands.

 

* * *

 

Quistis was having a break. After a long day, she decided to leave the Garden to visit Balamb city. There was a long time since she didn’t come. Zell had seen her early in the afternoon. She was glad and relieved to see him back, even if she noticed he didn’t seem to feel better despite his long absence. Time would erase the pain but probably not the guiltiness. She had proposed him to have dinner with her but he refused. He wanted to go back to his daily routine in the Garden, so she didn’t insist.

When she arrived in Balamb, she went to the pub and ordered a drink, when her cell phone rang.

“Hello?”

_“Quistis? Raijin’s speaking. Do I disturb you?”_

“Not at all. Hello Raijin. How are you?”

_“Fine. We wondered with Fujin if you found anything about Seifer, ya know?”_

“Nothing. What about you?”

_“Nothing…It’s true that we weren’t in contact but we knew he was alright. But now we’re worried, ya know?”_

“Same for me, Raijin.”

_“We’re gonna look for information in Fisherman’s horizon tomorrow. Let’s stay in touch, ok?”_

“Sure. Thanks for your help.”

_“He’s also our friend, ya know?”_

Quistis chuckled. “Yes I know. Well, see you soon.”

_“Bye Quistis.”_

They ended the conversation. Thinking about Seifer again made Quistis depressed and she had no desire to stay any longer. She paid her drinks and left the pub.

 

She was walking in the streets, thinking deeply, when someone called her.

“Quistis?”

She turned around and recognized a familiar face. “Oh. Miss Dincht. Long time no see.”

“I already told you to call me Sara.”

“Yeah, sorry. So, how are you?”

She looked down without answering. Quistis understood something was wrong with her and it was probably related to Zell.

“Hum…do you have the time for a drink at home?” she proposed.

“Sure.”

“Let’s go to my place.”

The two women reached the Dincht’s home. Quistis took her vest off and sat in the living room.

“What do you want to drink?”

“Just a glass of water please. I already drank at the pub.”

“Oh…why were you in Balamb by yourself?”

“I just wanted to have a break.”

“I see. I thought it was for work.” Sara joined her and served them two glasses of water. After have drunk, Quistis fixed her.

“So? What did you want to ask?”

“Nothing in particular…I suppose I just wanted to talk…” lied Zell’s mother. But after a moment, she decided to be honest. “Actually, I’ve something to ask you, but it’s…complicated.”

“Is it about Zell?”

“Yes and no.”

“Ah?” Quistis looked perplex.

“Do you have some news about…Seifer Almasy?”

Quistis frowned, surprised. “Why do you ask me that? And what is the point with Zell?”

“Answer me first. Do you?”

“No. Actually, I’m looking for him since weeks.”

“Why do you look for him?”

“I can ask you the same thing.”

“I’ve got a good reason for this, believe me…so? What about you?”

“Why should I tell you if you don’t tell me anything?”

Zell’s mother got up and went to the big cupboard in the next room. She took a book with her and came back with Quistis.

“I’ll tell you but only if you promise me to not say a word to anyone.”

“It sounds serious…”

“It is. Will you keep it for you?”

“I give you my word.”

She nodded and opened the book. It was a photo album. She chose one and gave it to Quistis. The blonde took the photograph and took the time to observe it a long time to be sure she was seeing the right thing: a picture with Zell and Seifer kissing each other during Christmas.

Quistis literally blinked several times and looked at Zell’s mother with a stunned expression.

“It was a long time ago…I like to see this picture. It reminds me the good old days…”

Quistis was still speechless, so Miss Dincht continued to explain.

“Zell was a self-hating child. He wanted to be a seed to prove himself he could do it. His first days at the Garden were really hard and time after time, he stated to get confidence. I noticed there was always the same boy in the town when Zell came back to home, and one day, he brought him here. He told me he was just a friend…but I wasn’t blind. By his side, Zell was happy, confident and stronger.”

“Are you telling me that Zell and Seifer were already dating when he brought him to your home?”

“I think so. You know, as long as my son was happy, I was happy. I asked Seifer if he loved Zell and he told me yes, so I had no reason to doubt him. It was a different story for my husband. We never told him.”

“I can’t believe it…”

“As I told you, Seifer and Zell were really close and I was relieved to see that Zell was safe with his boyfriend. Seifer always accompanied Zell when he visited me and he protected him against bullies at the Garden. I couldn’t ask more…”

“How much time did they stay together?”

“Three years.”

“THREE YEARS????” blinked Quistis shocked.

“Why is it so surprising?”

“I’m not sure we’re talking about the same Seifer…he was famous at the Garden to be a lady-killer.”

“Maybe, but it was definitely after his break-up with Zell.”

“What happened between them?”

“Zell became possessive and jealous. He always suspected Seifer to cheat on him and they started to argue often. I saw their relationship get worsen slowly until the day when Zell went too far…”

“What do you mean?”

“They had a fight and Zell hit Seifer really bad…Fortunately for him, Seifer managed to neutralize him just when I came back to home. The next day, Seifer broke with Zell and I never saw my son with someone else since that time.”

“Damn…that’s why they hated each other that much…”

“No Quistis. Seifer never hated Zell. Breaking with him was harder for him than for Zell.”

“How can you say that? Did you forget that Seifer fought against us and also against Zell during the war? He could have killed him…”

 “I didn’t forget, but I’m sure Seifer had his reasons. That’s what he told me…”

“Did you see him after the war?”

“No…I just talked to him.”

“When?”

“About few months ago…when Zell was at the hospital.”

“What???”

“Do you remember the call I received when we were with Zell in Esthar Hospital?”

“You mean…It was Seifer?”

“Yes. Someone who doesn’t care wouldn’t have taken the time to call. He sounded worried for him…”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Seifer didn’t want to. He asked me to not say a word to you.”

“Hyne…Seifer and Zell. If someone had told me this, I wouldn’t have believed it…”

“I know…”

“And what about Zell?”

“?”

“I mean, does he talk about Seifer with you sometimes?”

“Never. Actually, we don’t talk anymore…that’s why I wanted to find Seifer.”

“Why? No offence but I don’t think they want to make up again…”

“I’m not looking for Seifer for this.”

“Then why?”

Miss Dincht crossed her hands as if she was praying. “Since Ellone’s death, Zell became a shadow. He drinks a lot. He stays outside during the entire night and comes back completely drunk. Sometimes he even doesn’t come back…and he also goes out with a lot of people…”

“I saw him drink more than he usually does but I didn’t think it was a drinking problem…” Quistis crossed her arms against her chest, thinking. “But at this state, it’s another problem. What about his affairs?”

“I wouldn’t talk about “affairs” now…”

“I don’t understand…” Quistis looked confused.

“Quistis, Zell has sex with anybody. Young, old, women, men…Everybody in the town talks about this. My son became a hustler who gives his body to anyone. I can’t put a foot outside without hearing the last gossips about his last “lovers”…I’m so ashamed that I wait for the end of the day when there’s nobody in town to go outside…”

“Oh God, Zell…”

“Each time I try to talk with him, he gets mad. He won’t listen to me or to you. But I’m sure he would listen to Seifer. He will find the right words.”

“Sara, I don’t know what to say. I knew that Zell wasn’t feeling really well after Ellone’s death, but it didn’t think it turned that way…I was so blind…”

“I don’t blame you, Quistis. It has been hard for you too.”

“I’m gonna talk with Kadowaki. We should think about a way to make him stop drinking. I’m sure we can give him some medication to treat his addiction.”

“…” Miss Dincht didn’t reply. Zell already had medication for his behavior disorder but he stopped taking it. She didn’t want to explain to Quistis that it was for this reason that Seifer broke with him, because it meant that she had to tell her about Zell’s disorder, which could destroy his career as a seed.

“I will talk with him. I’ll do my best to help him. I owe him this after all what he did for me.”

“Can’t you ask Seifer please? No offence. I believe in you but I think he will listen to him since he was his lover in the past.”

“I would like to inform Seifer but as I told you, I’m looking for him too since a long time now. I have no idea where he went…”

“Why do you look for him anyway?”

Quistis hesitated. Miss Dincht had been honest with her and she told her about Seifer and Zell. But she couldn’t tell her about her story with him. It wasn’t appropriate in these circumstances.

“It’s about Ellone. He was one of us at the orphanage so I think he deserves to know what happened…and it would be nice if he could visit her grave. It would be a good start to make up with him…” she lied.

Miss Dincht didn’t seem to be convinced entirely but she didn’t insist. “Ok…then, tell me if you see him and please, don’t talk about our conversation to anyone and especially to Zell.”

“I promise. I’ll watch Zell closely.”

“Thanks for your help.”

 

* * *

 

The next days, one night.

At the Garden, Zell was watching the tv alone in his bedroom. He avoided everyone, especially his friends, but when he could have sex with someone, he did it. Unfortunately, nothing could appease his mind. The more he tried to forget, the more he thought about it. Sometimes it was unbearable. Quistis didn’t try immediately to talk with him but she took her meals with him practically every day. Sometimes, Selphie, Rinoa and Irvine joined them, but never Squall. The tension was still there between them.

The show at the television was boring, so without even noticing, Zell began to fall asleep. He hated to sleep…because he couldn’t help to make nightmares about Ellone and Seifer.

 

_“Look at this baby!”_

_“Gimme back my bag!!”_

_“Ah! You want it? Come and get it!”_

_The boys were mocking the little blonde kid, playing with his bag._

_“I told you to give it back!!” The kid had enough and rushed toward one of the boys and made him fall._

_“How dare you pushing your sempai? You’re fucking dead!!” The boy grabbed the blonde kid by the collar and punched him in the face, making him fall on his back._

_The three other boys joined the leader and began to beat the kid, still on the floor with their feet and fists._

_“Come on! Call for help like a girl!!”_

_“Ah ah!! He’s crying! Poor baby boy…”_

_The kid curled in a ball to protect himself the best way he could, but he couldn’t avoid the blows. It wasn’t the first time that people were beating him but usually, they weren’t so many._

_After five minutes, the leader had enough and pulled his hair to force him to face them. The blonde was bleeding from the mouth and the nose. He was shaking hard and started to cry._

_“I will teach you a good lesson to not push people in the corridor running…” the boys raised his hand in the air to slap the kid when someone behind pulled him by the collar and threw him against the wall. Everyone turned around to see who dared interfere, ready to fight when they recognized the long grey trench coat._

_“Well, well…looks like some people want to deal with our responsibilities, guys…”_

_The boys moved away, confused. “Seifer…”_

_“Sir Almasy for you, pieces of shit!”_

_“Yes Sir!” replied the boys, bowing._

_“So, tell me. I’m curious to hear your reason for this…” asked Seifer crossing his arms._

_“He was running in the corridor, Sir! He pushed everyone on his way and he didn’t apologize, so we thought we could…”_

_“You thought WHAT? Who gave you the right to do that?”_

_“hum…”_

_“That’s the job of the disciplinary committee. Not yours. But since you want to help us so bad, I’ll be happy to take over your cleanup duty tomorrow. The bathroom, the toilets and the locker rooms need it.”_

_“But…”_

_“Do you want more? Well, as you wish! You will also help the cooker at the cafeteria for breakfast, lunch and dinner.”_

_The boys looked down and accepted their punishment._

_“For now, you’re gonna calm down a bit in detention for the rest of the day. Raijin, Fujin. Bring them.”_

_“Yes.”_

_Raijin grabbed the boy on the floor and helped him to stand on his feet, while Fujin forced the other boys to follow her. Nobody complained because they knew it would get even worse. Seifer looked at them leaving and after their departure, put a knee on the floor to check the blonde’s injuries._

_“Show me your face.”_

_The kid raised his face, trying to hide his embarrassment. He was relieved to have been rescued but now, they would take their revenge._

_“Name?”_

_“Z..Zell Dincht.”_

_Seifer enrolled his arm around Zell’s waist and helped him to stand._

_“Wh..where are we going?”_

_“The infirmary. You’re bleeding.”_

_“No, please!”_

_“Why?”_

_The kid looked ashamed. “Because…if I go there, Doctor Kadowaki would tell my mom that people beat me and…mom will make me leave the Garden…”_

_“…”_

_“Please Seif…I mean, Sir Almasy. I don’t wanna leave the Garden. I just arrived and I love this place. I wanna be a seed!”_

_“If you’re really wanna be a seed, you have to become stronger.”_

_“I know…but I’ll work hard, promised!”_

_Seifer hesitated and finally agreed. “Fine…”_

_“Thank you so much!!”_

_“But come with me. We need to do something for your injuries.”_

_“It’s nothing, don’t worry…”_

_“I don’t ask your opinion, moron! That’s an order.”_

_Zell followed him reluctantly and they went to Zell’s room. Seifer took a wet towel and cleaned the blood before disinfecting his injuries._

_“Thank you.”_

_“…”_

_“But now, they’re gonna be even madder at me…”_

_“I’ll train you.”_

_“What?”_

_“Meet me tomorrow at the entrance of the training center. I’ll teach you how to fight.”_

_“Really???”_

_“I won’t be there all the time. You have to defend yourself alone.”_

_“Thank you…but what are you doing this for me?”_

_Seifer fixed him in the eyes. “Don’t you recognize me?”_

_“Hum…I know who you are. Everybody knows the chief of the disciplinary committee Seifer Almasy but…”_

_“So…you forgot it too?”_

_“Forgot what?”_

_Seifer sighted and got up. “Never mind. Don’t be late tomorrow or I’ll be the one to beat your ass this time.”_

_Then, he left without waiting for Zell’s answer._

**_“Is it the way you thanked me?”_ **

_“???”_

_Zell looked around him, disoriented. The voice came from nowhere._

**_“I taught you everything you know and look what you’ve done to me…”_ **

_“Wh..what?”_

**_“What an ungrateful boy you are…after all what I did for you.”_ **

_“Who are you? Where this voice comes from?”_

**_“You can’t escape from me. I’ll haunt you for the rest of your life.”_ **

_“You’re dead. YOU’RE DEAD SEIFER!”_

 

 

Zell woke up abruptly. Someone was knocking at his door. He took some minutes to realize he was in his room, at the Garden. It was just another nightmare, again.

“Zell? Are you there? Zell?”

The blonde recognized Irvine’s voice. “Coming…just a second.” He got up and took a large breath before opening the door. He tried to look cool but he was clearly nervous.

“Is everything alright? I knock since five minutes but you didn’t answer…”

“I fell asleep so I didn’t hear you, sorry…”

Irvine fixed him, worried. “Are you ok? You look pale.”

“It’s ok. I was dreaming and I woke up so suddenly when I heard you knocking…”

“Can I come in?”

“What for?”

“Hum…I just wanna talk.”

“Can’t it wait tomorrow? I’m tired…”

“It won’t be long.”

Zell rolled his eyes and agreed without enthusiasm; he just wanted to be alone. He opened his door widely to let him come in.

“Thanks.”

Irvine sat on the bed, playing with his fingers nervously; he didn’t know how to start.

“So?”

“Hum…well, you know, since you came back, you avoid us, so we’re worried for you and…”

“Let me guess: Selphie sent you here to talk with me. Am I wrong?”

After a moment of hesitation, Irvine nodded. “Ok, it’s true but I would have come by myself anyway.”

“If you say so…” said Zell doubting.

“Hey! I tell you the truth, man! You’re my friend. Of course I’m worried for you!”

“So touching…thanks for your concern, Irvine, but I’m fine. I just wanna finish my night please, so now you’re reassured, can you leave me alone?”

But Irvine didn’t move. He stayed serious and continued to fix Zell with a sad expression. “When I was at Galbadia Garden, I lost a precious friend during my first mission.” Started to say the brunette.

Zell understood immediately what Irvine wanted to mean telling him that but he couldn’t interrupt him.

“It wasn’t a difficult mission but I was too confident and I let my guard down. I didn’t see there were two other enemies hidden and…they shot us. I was shot in the stomach and my friend…in the head. I survived but not him, so I can understand what you can feel now.”

“I don’t wanna talk about this, please.”

Irvine got up and approached. “Zell, you did your best. It wasn’t your fault. Blaming yourself won’t bring Ellone back. If you let your guiltiness torture you this way, you will never make up.”

“Listen: I’m really touched by your concern, all of you, guys, and I know you try to help me, but I want to deal with it myself, so stop trying to comfort me, ok? Now, if you finished your touching speech, could you leave me alone please?”

“You won’t deal with it by yourself, Zell. You need help.”

“Do you know what I need right now? I need SLEEP! So get out of here! I don’t need you!”

“You refuse your friends’ help but it doesn’t bother you to look for comfort in strangers’ arms every night?”

Zell became red, embarrassed. “I…don’t know what you’re talking about?”

“People talk, Zell. Gossips spread fast. You have no idea about what people who had sex with you are saying about you.”

“Don’t you think you’re pretty misplaced to tell me that?”

“It’s a thing to be a womanizer. It’s another thing to…”

“To be a whore?” tried to guess Zell with irony.

“To give yourself to anyone.” Corrected Irvine.

“Same thing, but said with diplomacy!”

“I’ve never said that you were a whore. Don’t make me say what I didn’t.”

“That’s what you think, so where’s the difference?”

Irvine grabbed Zell by the elbows and shook him to make him realize the situation. “Have some respect for yourself and for your body! Selphie and Rinoa know nothing about this. I came to see you tonight to make you stop this. You won’t change the past and it won’t make you feel better.”

“Can’t I have some fun to change my mind?”

“I wouldn’t talk about “having fun” at this state. You’re becoming nymphomaniac!”

Zell faced Irvine with shame and tears in the eyes. It was true, but it was the only way to forget his situation.

“I can help you, Zell. Talk to me. But please don’t endure this alone. We’re all here for you.” Added Irvine, caressing his cheek tenderly.

“You really want to help me?”

“Of course. Talk to me.”

But instead of talking, Zell grabbed Irvine by the collar and kissed him, pressing his lips hard against his. Irvine, caught by the surprise, didn’t react immediately. But after few seconds, he tried to push Zell away.

“Stop this!”

“What? You said you would help me, didn’t you?”

“Not this way! You listened nothing about what I said!”

Zell moved closer and took his hand to bring it to his mouth. He kissed Irvine’s fingers gently. “If you know what I can feel now, you probably understand the reason why I do this, right?”

“Yes but…”

“It’s unbearable. The night, when I close my eyes, I make the same dream…I’m scared to fall asleep. I was doing the same nightmare when you knocked and woke me up…I can’t stand it anymore.”

“Zell…”

“You’re right. It’s not good to do it with strangers but I can’t help it. I need…I need to forget. Even for one hour, for a minute, or a second…I want to end this but I can’t…”

“I know, Zell. That’s why you need help.”

“Hold me. Please.”

But Irvine looked confused. He moved back by reflex, but Zell insisted. “Zell, no…I can’t. I’m with Selphie and…”

Zell continued to approach and stole him another kiss. “Help me. Just this time. No one would know. Please…”

“Zell, stop please…”

But the tattooed man was already on his knees, unbuttoning Irvine’s pants.  “Just once. It’s different if its’ you. You won’t judge me. You’re my friend, right?”

“What are you doing? Let me…” But Irvine couldn’t finish his sentence that Zell was already sucking him off. “Zell! Stop! Stop! Please…”

The blonde stopped and fixed Irvine in the eyes with a desperate look. “I’m begging you, Irvy…please. Hold me. Just…love me once. I wanna remember what it feels to be loved, to be embraced…”

He continued to stimulate him rubbing his cock slowly with his hand still looking at him in the eyes. Irvine hesitated but after had seen Zell so desperate, he understood that the blonde would finish his night with another guy if he didn’t take him right now. So, he grabbed his arm and dragged him on the bed before pushing him on his back. He went above him immediately.

“…” Irvine was staring at Zell, still wondering if it was a good idea to do that. But he was concerned about his friend and also very aroused now. _“Dammit!”_

Irvine decided to stop thinking and kissed Zell passionately. He literally devoured him and began to undress him. On the other side, Zell was more than ok for this and did the same thing, taking Irvine’s clothes off. After one minute, both of them were already naked. Irvine stopped kissing him to admire his body. He couldn’t deny that Zell was pretty attractive and sexy, which made him even more erect. He introduced his fingers in Zell’ mouth rubbing his cock in the same time. The blonde licked it until it were wet enough. Then, Irvine removed it from his mouth and spread Zell’s legs to get a better access to his entrance. After have stroked gently the little hole, he introduced one finger. But Zell stopped him.

“No need to prepare me…go ahead.”

Irvine got irritated and shut him up with a kiss. “You shut up or I stop. Let me do it in my way.”

Even if Zell was clearly annoyed by his gentleness, he obeyed and didn’t say a word. _“Fuck off! Don’t be gentle! I like it rough!”_ he thought silently.

But Irvine took his time, kissing him and fingering him slowly. Sometimes, he caressed his chest, pinched his nipples but never roughly…and he even gave him a blowjob. That was the part that Zell preferred because it was pretty good.

_“It takes too long! I wanna be fucked now!!”_

Zell understood Irvine had no intention to go faster and he would probably stop if he asked him to fuck him. So, he decided to adopt another strategy to make it faster. He took Irvine’s organ with his hand and started to stroke it. After few minutes, he changed his position to put it in his mouth again. He was used to do it. He perfectly knew how to do it good to make him come fast, so at the same time he was sucking the tip of his cock, he was playing with his balls.

It worked, because after some minutes, Irvine couldn’t hold it anymore and made Zell stop. The blonde nodded and lay down on his stomach, ass in the air, ready to be taken. But Irvine made him turn around. He guessed he liked to do it facing each other, which bothered him. Zell didn’t like facing people when he had sex because…it was always like this that he did it with Seifer.

“I’m put it in.”

Zell spread his legs wider. _“Hurry up! I’m waiting for this since one hour!”_

The only comfort that Zell could find was that even if they did it gently and face to face, Irvine’s cock was big, so it was better than with his other partners.

“Are you ok?” asked Irvine, still concerned to not hurt him.

“It’s good. It’s so good…don’t stop please!”

They had sex the entire night. Once wasn’t enough. After have come, Irvine couldn’t help to be aroused and did it again and again. He understood what the people he heard meant about Zell’s performances and stamina. It was even beyond his expectations.

On the other side, Zell was having a great time. He wasn’t used to be treated gently. Actually it was his fault because he was the one who asked to his “lovers” to do it rough. But making love this way recalled him a good old time…

**_“Is he better than me, Zell?”_ **

The blonde froze. Irvine who was busy to kiss him in the neck didn’t realize it.

**_“Don’t you understand he pities you? He doesn’t love you. No one does.”_ **

Zell started to breathe heavily. His troubled mind was hearing and imaging voices, and most of the time it was Seifer’s voice.

**_“Do you know why nobody loves you? It’s because you’re insane.”_ **

“N..no..” murmured the tattooed man.

When he hears him whispering, Irvine frowned. “Zell? What’s wrong?”

**_“That’s not your fault, Zell. You’re born this way…”_ **

“I’m..not..”

**_“Look at what you do to the people you love. Ellone, me...and I bet your father didn’t die accidentally. Am I wrong?”_ **

“D..done nothing…I..I..”

“Zell? Hey! What is it?” asked Irvine, looking at him. He had stopped when he saw Zell talking alone, fixing the ceiling.

**_“You keep hurting people around you, Zell. You’re breaking Selphie and Irvine’s story, just to be comforted; you ruined your friendship with Squall…who’s the next one?”_ **

“Wrong..WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!” screamed Zell shaking his head vigorously and crying.

“Zell! ZELL! STOP! LOOK AT ME!!” shouted Irvine to calm him down. He blocked his face with his hands, forcing him to fix him in the eyes. “Easy…relax. It’s ok. I’m here.”

Zell seemed to recover. His eyes were full of tears. His lips were shaking. He was still shocked, as if he had seen a ghost. He locked his eyes in Irvine’s ones to be sure that he wasn’t dreaming.

“Irvy?”

“Yes. Relax. Breathe slowly…” Irvine continued to stroke his hair gently to calm down. It worked because Zell seemed to recover.

The blonde hugged tightly Irvine. “You..you don’t hate me, right? Tell me…tell me you love me!”

“Of course I don’t hate you. Why should I?”

“You love me, right?”

Irvine didn’t know what Zell meant by “love”. He loved him but not in a romantic way. But in his state, it wasn’t something he could ask, so he told him what he needed to hear.

“Yes Zell. I love you. We all love you.”


End file.
